Your Prayers Are Healing

I feel your prayers. I dare say Anya does too, and Nastia. There is no accounting for waking up feeling peace, except that God is hearing your prayers and bringing us relief.

I want to thank everyone for not only their prayers, but for caring enough to send advice. Forgive me for not being able to respond to each suggestion. Most of them have already been attempted or looked into. Anya cannot remain here on her own, because she is not mentally stable enough to make the right choices for herself. She is incredibly vulnerable. For those of you suggesting she stay here under another's care, I want you to imagine Anya as a newborn, my newborn. She is that reliant on me. I cannot possibly leave her in the care of another. And this is not my trying to be a martyr. I am living with her. I know. I know like a mother knows.

Rosemary, can you imagine ever leaving your dear daughter anywhere without you? That same level of love and concern is what I feel for Anya. That is why I must stay. Please don't worry, or if you do, please do not share your fear with me, because it only serves to bring me down. I know my God is with me. I know He will find an answer, even if it is the one I do not want to hear -- moving here permanently. I am open to whatever God asks of me.

As to living in another country, we have been looking into that for over a year. It is a long difficult process, but it is one of our options. As to Anya applying for a tourist visa -- been there, done that. The US govt will not allow her to travel to the US on ANY kind of visa right now. We live in a very very upside down world. A world where a mother and child are forced to make painful choices every day in order to be together. A world where our govt is worried more about setting a precedent than it is concerned for the precious life of a battered and sick young girl. A world where a hundred different people could step forward to help us (you know who you are) but are unwilling. I pray you who have the power to fix this are never abandoned the way you have abandoned us. It is a terrible feeling to be abandoned.

Your comments lift me up and help me keep my head above water. I am grateful beyond words. I do ask that if possible, you keep your fears about our situation ( if you have them) to yourself right now, out of care for us. I'm barely keeping my head above water. I need uplifting and support, not a light shining on the fears that already loom in my heart. I hope you understand.

Please know that as sad as I am, I trust my God. I get up at 6am every morning and spend a full 90 minutes in prayer and meditation. I say the rosary, I say prayers to St Raphael and St Jude, John Bosco, and a host of other saints, I say the mass, I read scripture, I lay myself at God's feet and wait for His reply.

I do not doubt He will help us.  My fear and sorrow is just a side effect of being human. I do not truly fear being abandoned by Him. God has proven Himself utterly faithful. His love is so evident here in our family. I just wait on Him, and ask for your prayers to join with mine.