But I'm not afraid anymore. God gave me a great peace about it last night, and I awoke to a confirmation of His support -- an acquaintance repayed a loan from long long ago that I thought I might never see. It is a significant enough amount that I can cover those extra bills while I am away. I'm glad God gave me the peace about it before the surprise check arrived. He reminded me in a very real way that He is taking this trip with me.
Also, I awoke to an incredible joy this morning, realizing that I will be holding Anya's hand in a little more than a week, and I can hold it every day for three months if I want to! It just hit me with such force this morning that I just lay in bed for almost an hour afterwards just revelling in the knowledge of it. I feel so lucky.
On another note, I am having a giant book sale on Saturday and it looks to be well attended! I've even managed to sell a few sight-unseen to some old friends! I have committed to selling a full half of my book collection (which is pretty significant in size) to raise funds for our food money over there. I have some really rare and vintage Shakespeare books, lots of children's books, tons of adoption related books, books on acting and theatre history, Russian language easy readers. I think I'll make out quite well if everyone comes who says they are coming!
You might wonder why I'm selling my most prized possessions rather than some big ticket items I don't care as much about. Well, I'll tell you the truth. God has impressed upon me the need to commit to this trip in a way that challenges me. After all, what am I really giving up to go? Honestly, people -- what is so vital in my life right now that I should not have picked up and moved over there 3 years ago? Nothing. I realize now that my own fear kept this option invisible to me. Completely invisible!
I thought long and hard about what material possessions I have would be the most challenging for me to give up. Easy decision - it was my books. So in an effort to acknowledge in some very small way Anya's daily 'going without', daily suffering, I chose to give up my books. I can only sell half because many of them I need for work, so I am not sellig the work-related ones... I am selling the ones I love. Don't go thinking I'm some saint. I'm not. In fact, that is one of the very reasons I am doing it. I am not a saint -- I am a selfish, self-focused, self-preserving human just like everyone else. And I want that to change.
What things do you hold dear and close and dread parting with? Maybe try purging yourself of even one small thing to show solidarity for those in the world who do not even have the luxury of owning something dear. It is a very freeing and joy-inducing experience, I can promise you.