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| This is how I feel....(thanks for posing, Matilda) |
Preparations for leaving in a few days are not going so well. Murphy's law is in effect. Both Nastia and I are experiencing extreme anxiety. Her PTSD symptoms have resurfaced, and even a really helpful therapy session today didn't alleviate the major symptoms. I'm starting to have those creeping mother doubts -- What am I doing to my daughter? How can I disrupt her life like this? What kind of damage am I inflicting my taking her so far out of her comfort zone when she is finally doing so well? -- These are the thoughts that are dominating my mind today.
Also, three house-sitter/dog-sitters fell through. I may have to have my friends coordinate a revolving schedule of sitters, like they did in January. I feel so sad about it. I wanted to leave knowing the animals were in really good hands. Right now there are NO hands. All four of them sense our anxiety and are acting up like crazy...barking incessantly, Tink peeing in inappropriate places, Matilda chewing things she shouldn't...Puck biting us when we try to pet her. It's not so good.
Also....what in the world possessed me to plan a booksale/yardsale three days before we leave? It's 11pm and I have hours of prep to do for the sale, and I need to be up by 7am. And did I mention the house is being prepped for painting? Six men on ladders pounding on the house from 7:30am till 4pm for the last two days? No, I am not responsible for the time frame. I wouldn't do that to myself. I rent, so this was the landlord's schedule.
Anyway, I guess this whiny vent is really a plea for prayers. I feel awful asking when I feel so many people are doing so much to help me already. But, if you're new here and you don't feel imposed upon by me yet, maybe you'll take us on, and pray for us tonight and tomorrow? I'd like that. Alot.
Will definitely be praying for you all. May God give you a sense of peace during the next few days. May He give you the strength needed during the next few months. I will pray for you and your girls throughout.
ReplyDeleteAsk, anytime.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't know if you're interested, but I have Skype and am up at strange hours, so when you're over there...
Most importantly, praying for peace.
Your second guessing of difficult decisions is just one of the reasons that you are such a terrific Mom. Knowing what I have come to know about you in a very short time, I can so easily rewrite your heart-wrenching questions, "What am I doing to my daughter?" and "How can I disrupt her life like this?" to: "What an amazing thing God is guiding me to do for the sake of my daughters!" and "Has there ever been a better reason in humanity's history to temporarily pull up stakes than to rescue MY daughter and Nastia's sister from her unacceptable existence?"
ReplyDeleteYou are as far from being a 'whiny venter' as one could be and you have every right in the world to feel it's weight right now.
At the risk of delving too deep, I came across two other very heady questions you once asked yourself at another unimaginable time in your life, 5 years ago. Your deep love and admiration for Nastia and Anya is apparent - just as it for your Dad who smiles down upon you now - so very apparent. "What is my legacy? My Heritage?" you asked. You already know the answers. And in just a few short days they will flow over, around and through you like never before...
I have been and will continue to pray for you, Nastia, and Anya - always. You are an incredibly strong person, and so is Nastia. You've both been through so much, and you've always come through on the other side, stronger, wiser, and ready to battle some more. God has amazing things in store for both of you, not the least of which is the time together with Anya while we continue to wait for politics and red tape to sort themselves out.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you - oh, my goodness.... But, this too shall pass.
ReplyDelete