‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Monday, September 27, 2010

Pouring Her Heart Out

If anyone doubts the power of prayer, give them a few hours with me and my life and they will leave convinced. Case in point : Anya. It has been incredibly difficult to reach her, but today, after two days of shutting us out completely --today the floodgates began to open.

I can't share what she shared, but I will say that as terrible as I imagined her early life, it was far worse. Today she shared with both Nastia and me what happened to her from ages five to eleven. I don't think I've heard a more heartbreaking story in my whole life, and I thought what I knew about her life was bad enough. I can tell you a little part -- Anya lived alone in a tiny cottage with her father for ages 5 through 8, and he worked days and nights, so she was alone, sometimes for weeks at a stretch. Sometimes he would leave her with a few potatoes and leave for weeks in search of work.

She witnessed things in her early years that grown men should not witness. She also told me what Nastia's orphanage had told me -- the woman who took them in after their mom abandoned them beat them both so severely, they were both in the hospital for months. Like Nastia, she still has scars.

When her father got out of prison  a few years later, he went back to that neighbor and "paid her back" for her treatment of his girls.

Anya told me today that she wants a new life. She wants to leave Russia and never come back. She said she is done living the way she has, and she is willing to make any sacrifices she has to to make our family work. She cried, I cried, Nastia cried. Some of the things she shared were so shocking to Nastia she wouldn't translate them. Anya then had to explain in the simplest terms she could, along with some "charades" until I  understood.

I understand alot more now why she is so depressed.  She has seen more and experienced more trauma than even Nastia. She said she has never shared any of this with even Katya her best friend, but that she felt God prompting her to share with me, since I have asked her to for 5 years now. She said she was "tired of carrying it."

It was hours of sharing and crying, and now they are cuddled together in our bed, watching Glee in Russian and eating soup. I'm still in stun mode, but trying to adjust to all this new information.

Thanks to all who continue to pray for her healing....


19 comments:

  1. I suspect this is why she shut you both out for the past two days. Hopefully she feels lighter having shared and the healing can begin.

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  2. That poor child. :( We will continue to hold all of you in our prayers.

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  3. Praying for your beautiful, battered but not broken, eldest child, for her sweet sibling, and for you, their Mama.

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  4. I'm glad she was able to share this with you. I'm also hope that her life can change and she can start over. My heart breaks thinking of all the children out there that have to endure such things. I hope someday she can find peace.

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  5. The power of God in response to the prayers of His people is incredible. . . and don't under-estimate His healing power too. I pray for healing for Anya. I KNOW God is the Healer, and He wants to pour it out on Anya. He wants to bring beauty for ashes into her life. . . Thanking God that she has you and Nastia, and praying for strength and healing for all of you--because when we have listened to the pain and the yuck that comes with a situation like this, we too need strength and healing. I'm so glad that Nastia has you, and sooo glad that you have been faithful to God's calling in your life for Anya!

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  6. Have you read the book Hosea in the Bible lately? I have a feeling that you will need to love Anya with the relentless love that God showed to Israel through the life of Hosea to his wife Gomer. Such a fascinating story, to see God's relentless pursuit of us.
    Also there is a wonderful fiction book that is a retelling of this story in the setting of maybe the 1800's it is called "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. I highly recommend!

    Praying for Anya to be able to receive your love and God's and for healing to come to her.

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  7. My heart brakes for her, for Nastia, and you as you try to process all that you are learning about Anya. Praying for endurance and wisdom as you continue to fight for her.

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  8. How sad. I hope someday she can find peace.

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  9. I cannot imagine what she's going through. I'm so glad she has you in her life! I found your blog on FRUA and have enjoyed your story. Praying for you and the girls!

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  10. Praying for you!

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  11. I don't know what else to do right now, Keri, but pray. I worry about what will happen at the expiration of your visa. I don't know how y'all are going to be able to live together as a family, and I worry about Anya's stability if she's left on her own again, but I don't see how you have any choice about doing that.

    Truly, is there some other country she could legally go to that you could legally go to as well? How about Ukraine? I mean, even aside from questions of money, just legally visa-wise, where can y'all both physically be at the expiration of your visa that would be in the same place?

    Sometimes we just have to take it a day at a time, or even a minute at a time. I will continue to pray for y'all.

    It is such a healing thing that she is opening up to you, and I think it is so encouraging, even if it is painful and difficult for her to tell you and for you to hear. Big hugs to all 3 of you.

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  12. Continuing to pray for all of you. Hugs from afar.

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  13. Wow! what a break through:D

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  14. thank you thank you thank you, all of you. I cannot express to you how powerful your onslaught of prayers is. Truly, I am seeing an absolute miracle occuring in Anya. I am not naive. I certainly know it is a scary road ahead, but God is so vividly and intimately with us, I have nO DOUBT we will reach where He is taking us. Nanette, i am going to start reading Hosea today, at your suggestion! Rosemary, your heart is so big and everytime you write I feel YOUR pain for us too. Dont worry. God is holding us in the palm of His hand and he will nOT abandon us. We will not need to go to a third country bc Anya WILL be home with us in the US. My heart insists this is true. And Anya's healing will be a lifelong journey I already committed to 5 years ago. she is mine and I am not letting her go.

    Ashley, I LOVE the ay you worded your comment. It haunted me...in a good way!

    So much love from all of you, and I hope you know WE send love RIGHT back in YOUR direction, too!

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  15. Your communication breakthrough as a family is as heartwarming as Anya's pain is heartbreaking. You are all in our thoughts constantly...

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  16. When you say Anya's story is the most heartbreaking you have ever heard. . . that means a lot, as you are no stranger to hard, sad stories.

    God's heart breaks for her.

    The suggestions of Hosea--yes! You will find so much to identify with in that story, and it is so beautiful in its portrayal of sacrificial love. But if it becomes too much, then be refreshed with Isaiah 61. : )

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  17. I couldn't comment yesterday and couldn't sleep all night after reading this. It was just too much. I only wish Anya finds peace one day. I'm glad she has opened up. That's the start of healing process. Wish you all the luck!

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  18. Some of those early years sound like my Nastya - left alone with no food. It is a wonder they are so resilient, really.

    How wonderful she told you everything. That shows such trust.

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  19. After reading all about Nastia and Anya's stories, I honestly just want to hug them. God bless you, your beautiful heart, and your very special daughters

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