This is kind of an open letter to all my work contacts, parents of students, teachers and other 'business' related people who may read my blog. I simply do not have the mental energy to respond to all of the emails and calls I'm getting. Maybe this post will help.
I understand that many you you do not understand why I am taking this trip. I understand many of you are angry, many frustrated and disappointed. I understand that this disrupts your lives and your kids' lives. I understand that you do not like the unexpected, sudden nature of this trip which forces me to 'close shop' for awhile and also leave some schools 'stranded'.
But...there is more to this trip than I can publicly talk about. There are reasons I have to go that I cannot discuss. It would not be fair to Anya or to Nastia. But can some of you please put yourselves in my shoes for one minute? Please, consider for a moment:
Would I give up literally thousands of dollars in salary if it were not imperative that I go? Would I risk losing several long-term school jobs that I have relied on for years, if it were not imperative that I go? Would I risk my worsening health if it were not the last resort? Would I choose to spend thousands of dollars to fly to one of the most remote spots in the world, where I know all of two people, where the weather is hell on earth, where I have no means of making money, where I must struggle on a daily basis to be understood? Would I do this if I did not HAVE to?
I do this because I must.
I do this because no one else is going to do it for me.
I do this because I am literally trying to save a life.
No offense, but if you are one of those people upset about my going, and upset about my current inability to meet with you and discuss whatever is on your agenda... or 'concerned' that I can't fulfill my work obligations right now...all I can tell you is, TOO BAD.
I'm done trying to please everyone this week. I'm just done. My priority is getting my daughter and me to Siberia and, once there, caring for my other daughter and showing her, in every way I can, that she is not forgotten.
I understand that many you you do not understand why I am taking this trip. I understand many of you are angry, many frustrated and disappointed. I understand that this disrupts your lives and your kids' lives. I understand that you do not like the unexpected, sudden nature of this trip which forces me to 'close shop' for awhile and also leave some schools 'stranded'.
But...there is more to this trip than I can publicly talk about. There are reasons I have to go that I cannot discuss. It would not be fair to Anya or to Nastia. But can some of you please put yourselves in my shoes for one minute? Please, consider for a moment:
Would I give up literally thousands of dollars in salary if it were not imperative that I go? Would I risk losing several long-term school jobs that I have relied on for years, if it were not imperative that I go? Would I risk my worsening health if it were not the last resort? Would I choose to spend thousands of dollars to fly to one of the most remote spots in the world, where I know all of two people, where the weather is hell on earth, where I have no means of making money, where I must struggle on a daily basis to be understood? Would I do this if I did not HAVE to?
I do this because I must.
I do this because no one else is going to do it for me.
I do this because I am literally trying to save a life.
No offense, but if you are one of those people upset about my going, and upset about my current inability to meet with you and discuss whatever is on your agenda... or 'concerned' that I can't fulfill my work obligations right now...all I can tell you is, TOO BAD.
I'm done trying to please everyone this week. I'm just done. My priority is getting my daughter and me to Siberia and, once there, caring for my other daughter and showing her, in every way I can, that she is not forgotten.
THAT IS IT.
END OF STORY.
If you can't understand or support this, then
BACK OFF.
If you can't understand or support this, then
BACK OFF.
Oh Keri, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this - especially right now. People don't understand, and most people think first about how something affects them - and some may never think beyond that. YOU know you're doing the only thing you can right now. You also know there are quite a few of us who understand why this trip is necessary, and we support you completely.
ReplyDeleteI love you Keri, I love you Nastia and I love Anya - Go with prayers of good health and a heart of courage - Do not give up or give in to the demands that others may try and place on you. You are doing exactly what you need to do - Being a fabulous Mom. May the Angels keep you all safe and sound and may they fly you ALL home safe and sound.
ReplyDeleteIt is so easy for us to jump to just thinking of ourselves and our own selfish perspective of life--I am sure some people are going to be highly inconvenienced by your sudden decision.
ReplyDeleteBut if they stopped to think about it, and compare their inconvenience with yours, I think they would have to close their mouths. And if they knew there was the life of a young person actually on the line--and if they thought for one moment, "which is more important?" of course they would agree it is your child. But they just have not yet (or can't) get themselves out of their own selfish perspective.
I don't think you need to hear this, but just in case it is psychologically/emotionally helpful: you are released. You are absolved. You are not responsible for those people's feelings, and they will get over it. : ) They are focused on the temporal, the fleeting--you are focused on the eternal.
P.S. I know you don't know me from Eve, but it is so fun to get in on this story when the telling is getting so good. ; ) So thanks for the encouragement you made in your last post for people to keep reading and posting comments--I would not miss it for anything, so thanks for the official invitation. I will be praying for all of you and your trip!
ReplyDeleteAnd P.P.S. Last night I actual laid awake not able to sleep because I was thinking more about what you wrote about the Russian Consulate. The American in me was crying out indignantly for justice--and the American Way! ; )--to be served there. And yet, it is a tiny bit of Russian on American soil, is it not? It cannot be expected to conform to our cultural ways and values any more than we would want the American Consulate in Russia to conform to their cultural ways. . . but still (shudder). It really was giving me nightmares.
Good for you.
ReplyDeleteKeri, I am praying for you to have peace about your trip. People need to stop being selfish and understand that there is an extreme circumstance that draws you to travel halfway around the world.
ReplyDeleteYou go, girl. Literally as well as figuratively.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have an idea of what may be going on here, and I surely hope I'm right.
I'm sorry you even had to write this. Shame on anyone who is trying to put themselves ahead in your agenda. I'm praying for you and your girls as you go forward. You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteThese, your comments, have been very healing for me tonight. Thank you. Blessed, your words " you are released, you are absolved" were divinely inspired. I NEEDED to hear that, and wept a lomg while when I read your words. VERY healing.
ReplyDeleteI know I am more sensitive because I'm worried about so many different things right now, but I know beyond a SHADOW of a doubt that this trip is God's doing, and so I rest in that wisdom and ask Him for peace about all the worries.
I'm honored to have such a caring, soulful, thoughtful group of readers/cyber friends and I hope I am able to give back to each of you even a taste of what you gave me today....a measure of peace. THANK you!
To quote your own blog header..."'And All Shall Be Well, And All Shall Be Well, And All Manner Of Things Shall Be Well.' ~ St. Julian of Norwich". Please call if you need anything - even if it's just to vent.
ReplyDeleteYou are so amazing. People who can't honor what an amazing moment this is in your life, and in the lives of your daughters- may have little place in ya'lls lives. Be at peace! YOU have made the BEST most LOVING choice a mom can make- for the better of your children no matter what!
ReplyDelete((hugs))
I actually have stayed away because I don't want to be one who annoys, even by accident, when I ponder what your plans are.
ReplyDeleteI know you have 20 million questions, most of them exactly the same, coming from all corners of your life... I'm sure some people are asking out of great concern and love of you, and I'm sure some are asking because they think you're going crazy.
Either way -- it's not anything of anyone's business or concern... you gotta do what you gotta do.
so rather than ask, I'd already "backed off" and let you have that space. I'm deeply concerned about your needs and how they'll be met, arrangements for house sitting, about Rebel, and other things -- but unless you ask for my help there is no need for me, or anyone else for that matter, to ask.
As the kids say, "I got this." That's your motto right now. Yes. You got this.
I know that you know that if you need help, you can call me and I'll drop everything and be there. (Except for Sept 11th when I have to run a boy scout event all day and will not be free for ANYONE... so keep that in mind, baby).
Until then, blessed be by God and Go With Him. Let him guide your feet, hands and mind over the next few days.
eyes on the prize, girl. go get'em.
Worst thing I ever did in my life was put my job here ahead of Ilya's needs. It created long-term, maybe permanent problems. I'd never do it again, given the chance to do it over. I'm glad you are puttnig Anya first...and SO glad, now I see what you've been dealing with that you found the photos. Also, I understood why swearing off the phone and facebook felt good. You'd lost me there for a moment.
ReplyDeletePraying for you....
Stay focused on your girls and don't allow into your head the negative energy of those without knowledge and/or a clearer view of the bigger picture. For those who do grasp the "whys" of your mission yet still put themselves first, forgive them for their shallow ignorance but leave them in the rear view mirror for now and spend not another ounce of energy thinking of them. You KNOW that the less-travelled path which you are about to take is, without a doubt, perhaps the single most important reason that you exist: To save the life of a daughter. There is nothing more noble than this... :)
ReplyDelete