Last Call

So, for us the countdown begins. Only 29 more days here, and part of me is actually grieving that. I won't be grieving the loss of cigarette smoke or near-death experiences crossing the road or rivers of spit on the sidewalk. I won't be grieving the lack of smiles or  a diet of canned food or my two tv channels.

What I will be grieving however, is time spent with and access to the children of Detsky Dom #5.

I know I'm not their mom, but my heart feels sick when I think of leaving them -- so sick that this morning I can't stop crying for some reason. I've dreamt of going home all these weeks, and now, as I soon put two months under my belt, part of me doesn't want to go.

Last night I had a terrible dream. I was in a city, like this one, and I was walking the streets with Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives  (don't know why). As we walked, I saw men grabbing children from parents, tossing them over their shoulder and running through the crowds, with the children screaming in terror with their faces towards me. Pudgy sweet faced toddlers, lithe and athletic teenagers -- all ages and sizes. I stood horrified as I realized that I could do nothing. There were dozens of these men and one of me. Eva saw my horror and said " Oh yeah, this has been a problem here for ages.... but we can't find anyone to do anything about it. They're too scared."

I woke up. I wept.

I know the dream is about the orphans here. My biggest fear is the number of them that will end up in the sex trade or prostitution, and in my dream I knew that was where they were headed. Right now, 'awake me' realizes that that is where many of these real children will be headed someday too, and I just want to die, the pain is so great.

Two friends wrote this week and thought they'd remind me that  "You can't save all of them". What a terrible thing to say. Is that supposed to make a person feel better? Does telling me that put your own guilt at ease? As long as I am alive I will act as if I CAN save all of them. Isn't that what God does? Can you imagine a God who says to Himself " Well, I can't save all of them.."

So, if you want to help me put a dent in their pain while I am here,  I invite you. I know I've likely turned alot of people off with my periodic reminders that there is a  donation button on my blog. I don't care. I honestly don't care if I am bad-mouthed or mocked for being so pushy. If I reach ONE person reading this who decides to:

1.Consider adoption when they never had before.
2. Send gifts or donations when they never have before
3. Commit to praying for these kids daily, when they never have before.


....then it is worth bugging the rest of you.

So, to explain the title of this post. I only have the next three weeks to visit the kids, and then I must start packing to go home. My DREAM is to make that last trip there close to Thanksgiving, and have a wrapped Christmas gift and card for EVERY SINGLE CHILD AND CARETAKER THERE.  The gift itself doesn't really matter so much...it's the fact that someone will have cared enough to give them one and took time enough to write them their own card.

If you wish to make a donation or can even share or repost this blog to others, I would be grateful beyond words. Nastia and I are going to buy the wrapping paper today in anticipation of an outpouring of donations. We only need $5 to buy a gift. And maybe 50 cents, if that, for a card. There is even enough time for you to send your own cards to me at my address that I can then pass on to the kids. You even have time to ship little gifts to me yourself (priority mail) and I will still have enough time to share them on my last visit there.

Sorry if I'm not too coherent in this post. I'm typing through tears, and am currently very aware of the brief time I have left here. Forgive the syntactical and spelling errors, too. I meant well.

Thank you for passing this word on. If each person reading this shares it with ONE person who can donate $5, I'll be good to go.


God bless you all. And may your hearts, too, break with the things that break His.