‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Friday, November 19, 2010

Baaaad Keri

I actually thought how easy it might be to accidentally break my leg on the sidewalk  icewalk and have to stay here. I felt terribly guilty for thinking such a thing, but I just soooooo am not ready to go home. There is so much left to do here, and I am content. Very content and at peace living here, and I'm scared to go home and get sucked into the vortex that was my American life prior to coming here.

Of course I want to see the people I love.....and my animals....and Bill & Bob's Roast Beef on Bridge Street in Salem....but that's it. I don't miss one single thing else. Nothing. I have prayed and prayed and hoped and hoped that Nastia would find a way to be happy here, and I could just go home and pack up and move here permanently. But it hasn't happened, and it's imminent arrival is doubtful. To the degree to which I love it here, she has an equal degree of hate. Yes, hate. And so, as a mother, I must set aside my own desires in favor of what my child needs and wants. Such is life.

But there is good news! I am buying a computer camera for the orphanage and will set up skype for them before I leave! If I can just skype with them once a week, I think it will help my inevitable homesickness for Russia. Also, I will be busy completing the mountain of paperwork required for Daniel's adoption. If I can just keep my eye on bringing him home, I might just be ok.

And there is more good news! Tammy Cannon of Project 143 asked if I'd come back over here with her in February to work on our hosting program. You BET I will!

Yesterday and today,  my Shakespeare students expressed great sadness at my leaving two days earlier than they anticipated. Like me, they think this happened all too fast. I hate to say goodbye when I know I will never get the chance to spend such time with them again. They are amazing kids. Our show, by the way, is next Tuesday! I am going to do my best to record it on Nastia's flipvideo thingy.

so I'm heading out (brrrrrr....) to the grocery store which somehow feels MUCH farther away now the the temperature remains in the negative degrees. Seven blocks feels like seven hundred! But I will slip and slide my way there and back without ANY attempts at broken bones -- I promise.


  1. Beautiful picture but sure looks cold.

  2. Once you get here you'll find things you love. Right now your heart and brain are focused on where you are. Just like you dread traveling TO Russia when it is time to go, you're dreading traveling FROM. It may be a little stronger a pull this time because of all the connections you've made and the things you've experienced, but it'll be good for you to be home.

    as one of the people who I think you love, we await your return.

  3. Oh, it does look so cold. And you are not bad for thinking that! It must be so hard to tear yourself away from where you believe you are most needed. I hope the adoption process goes smoothly.
    Love Ariad

  4. Boy, I identify with you. Why, oh, why is Nastia not with "the program" that otherwise seems so right?

    You must wonder, on some level.... Not on the practical one (ideas abound), but more in the sense that if all of your feelings and thoughts align.... Why?

    I'd be looking for the answer when you go home. Part of it could be that she doesn't want to share you. But, she will be sharing you, anyway. Or could it be sheer love of comfort? Or could it be that she is not quite sure who she is when she is in Russia? Russian or American? And at the orphanage she cannot pretend on any level that she was not one of "them". All sorts of things that might not be comfortable for her.

    Maybe once you get a handle on it, it will be clear that she OUGHT to have more time there, or you or she may realize it wasn't really being in RUSSIA, but something else.

    Why does she say she hates it there?


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