‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Healing Children from Trauma, Resource #2

There are many different 'camps'  when it comes to therapeutic parenting. I am averse to most of them. I appreciated Daniel Hughes' books, and they were the first resources that seemed to make a difference in parenting a hurt child. However, when I was introduced to this book, It was as if the heavens had opened up and God himself was giving his seal of approval. Beyond Consequences is simply life-changing.

You can find plenty of people online who say they have tried it and didn't like it. But the funny thing is, all their reasoning against it has to do with their own fears. I've had people tell me that "there is no way love can heal what is broken in my child."  Well, you know what? With an attitude like that, I don't doubt that you are right. 

Heather Forbes' work takes work. It is difficult and time-consuming and involves taking a deep look at your own self. Many people give up on it because they think it is asking too much of them. My response would be that nothing is too much to ask of us in helping to lead our children to healing. Nothing.

I could write volumes on what I have experienced in parenting a child with RAD and PTSD. All of the successes I have had are mainly because of using the BCLC method. Not only does it make sense from a practical standpoint, she also has science to back her up! Children who have experienced trauma and neglect have different brains. Science shows us this. I've seen my own daughter's MRIs and CAT scans -- trauma and neglect  atrophies a growing brain. It leaves scars. Heather's methods are healing children the world over. Do yourself a favor and read her books. I have recommended them to every person I know parenting a hurt child, as well as to social workers and therapists who come in contact with kids like mine.

Are you a fellow BCLC-loving parent? Let me know in the comment section below!


  1. I'm a groupie! I loved her before, and I love her even more now that I've met her in person! She has a gift for teaching and sharing what works in plain English.

  2. We were strong adherents in the early years of working with our son to heal. And it worked and continues to. As our son has healed, we have introduced strong veins of Love and Logic as well. Now we are in somewhat of a transitional phase where we vacillate between BCLC and LaL, depending on context and situation. I am of the opinion that LaL can't work until a certain degree of healing and mastery of cause and effect thinking have been achieved. We are lucky to have reached that stage with our son. Now I rely on BLCL any time he seems dysregulated or triggered, but LaL for getting things done around the house and helping him develop a greater sense of responsibility. Little little steps at a time, with constant falling back to the BCLC safety net!

  3. Our house is a strong BCLC house! I love Heather Forbes and love the perspective she brings. I will tell you that I treated myself to the Heather Forbes Mom's Day out COnference. It was online for 5 days and literally it changed my life. My own issues with my RAD have been identified. I am more whole and able to face my own trauma that I didn't knew was affecting my parenting. I STRONGLY suggest it for any other moms. It was a great experience and well worth it!

  4. I passed this recommendation on to my mother-in-law and it turns out she's already on the author's email list and is considering going to one of the seminars. She asked me if the Russian adoption she sometimes mentions in her email is you, but I told that so many of the children adopted from Russia have these kinds of problems that it could be any one of them.

  5. I love it, and I can see that it's the only thing that CAN work, cause nothing else has. The logic is there, but I do well, then struggle, then get lost in my "how I was raised nature". Hate that! I also have a hard time explaining it well to my won't-read-it husband. He buys it, but not completely. And you have to be all in for it to work. So, still a struggle.


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