Updates On My Girls

Last night was the third time I found Nastia curled up in Dasha's bed, holding a stuffed animal dressed in one of Dasha's dresses. ( She had done this a few weeks ago so she could pretend it was Dasha..) She was rocking, and wanted to be alone. Later we talked, and she lashed out at me..

" I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON'T JUST GET MARRIED! YOU'RE BEING SELFISH! I WANT MY SISTER DASHA BACK..." she yelled this at me and refused my offers to comfort and hold her. She has been distant for days.

I don't discuss my dating life here. It's not the place, so I won't go into any details. But suffice it to say, Nastia is convinced that it is easy as pie to just "decide" to get married and move on with adoption. Her argument is that Dasha needs us (she does) and wants us (that, too) and that anything standing in the way of her joining our family is simply irrelevant. Her heart aches for Dasha and she wants assurance that she will be ours. Of course my heart aches too, but I know that life is not as simple as Nastia's mind might interpret it.

As for Dasha, we have no updates as to how she is doing. I have called the orphanage every single day since she left us, but no answer. The word is that the children are away at summer camp and the staff is on vacation. I do hope we speak to her soon.I can't tell you how hard each day is not knowing how she is doing.

As for Anya, she is doing better. Nastia and I had a family meeting (I think I  mentioned it in an earlier post) and decided that we will move over there for several months if we do not get word that Anya will be allowed to come here soon. We set a deadline: If Anya is not in our home by mid-January, we will begin the process of moving to Siberia. The reason Anya is doing better, is because we told her this. Knowing we love her enough to move halfway across the world to be with her has improved her outlook drastically.

I'm sure everyone is wondering how we will accomplish this, especially on a teacher's salary, and I have to answer  "I honestly don't know." I'm leaving it in God's hands. I know I can find someone to live at my house and care for all our animals for free. It's a great deal -- free rent in exchange for dog and cat sitting. I know I can find an affordable place to stay in Kemerovo, as I've already researched that for several years. I know I can work there part-time, teaching English -- again, because I've done the research. Here is what I don't know:

1. How will I handle my arthritis in the extreme cold?
2. How will I manage Nastia's schooling without the resources I have here?
3. How will I handle the inevitable loneliness and depression from being separated from the life that I love and the people I care about?

I have several friends who are missionaries overseas, and I'm sure they'd be a wealth of information on making the adjustment. We'd only really be there for upwards of five months. I'd have to come back for my summer job. That I truly have no choice in. but being there for the hardest months will help Anya, and I wont be worrying every day about her. Finally, maybe our moving over there for several months will help move the powers-that-be to move a little faster? I mean, should an American citizen be forced to move to Siberia just to keep her daughter safe? Shouldn't my country do all it can to reunite us here? Five years, guys, five years this November. That's how long I've been fighting to bring Anya home.....

There has got to be an end in sight.