‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Sunday, August 08, 2010

'Under One Ceiling'

 Today has been a day of meditating on the amazing blessings I've received as a mom. Nastia and I spent another lazy day reading books, cuddling, and daydreaming. She spent a good part of the day laying practically on top of me on the couch, her head snuggled into my chest. A little love-fest. We talked about Dasha and Anya, and about how lucky we are to have them in our lives. We told funny stories about Anya and her grumpy morning self; we laughed at some of the funny songs Dasha had performed for us.

'Mom, do you really really think that some day all of us will be together under one ceiling?' ( I love when she gets sayings a little bit right, but not exactly.)

'Yes, honey, I really do believe it. God has been very good to us. But in the end, He knows best. It it is not meant to be, He will help us heal.'

We then discussed all the ways we could actually see God working in our lives. (After last night's movie this was an inevitable conversation.) She talked about the hundreds of nights  she had spent talking to God as a little girl and begging him for her mom to come find her. 'And now I'm lying next to you!' She added with a big smile. I talked about how perfectly we fit together and how I don't think something like that could possibly be chance.

'Mom? Imagine if it just happened randomly, without God, and you ended up with Julia, And I ended up with Barbara, and Christina ended up with Cyndie and Ksusha ended up with Jennifer! Wouldn't that be soooo weird?' She was referring to her three orphanage friends who were adopted about the same time as she. All us moms stayed connected. We are all very different, as are our girls.I think of these women as family, even if I dont see them all that much. Our girls after all, had grown up together.

  'It just wouldn't have worked if you were Julia's mom. It's like she was MADE for Barbara. And imagine if Barbara ended up my mom? I think she would have a heart attack!" She laughed herself silly at the thought. But she was right, our girls all ended up exactly where they belonged -- as if the God who created the Universe hand-picked each mom for each child. And that is why that is exactly what I think happened.

She then got a bit philosophical trying to understand why Anya is not home yet.

' Maybe God had some lessons he wanted her to learn and they could only be learned in Russia.' She mused. ' Or maybe God wanted to toughen Anya up and make her stronger before she came here..'

The list of possiblities went on and on. 'Or maaaaybeeeee it's because He's been trying really, really hard to bring her to us this whole time but the people that can really help get her here just won't listen to Him.'  Now she was getting somewhere.

'Yes, that's kind of how I look at it.' I told her. ' God can only do so much. He has to rely on humans for a great deal of the work He does here. If we don't listen, things can stand still..'

'Or even go BACKWARDS...' she exclaimed, as if it were an epiphany.

'Yes, things could even go backwards.That's why its so so important to be still sometimes and listen for Him.'
I reminded her.

'Mom, if God can't get Anya and Dasha here fast, do you think He is at least talking to people around them and  helping their lives to be easier?'

'I'm guessing that God does every single thing within His power to help us.' I told her. ' It's just that from our persepective it doesn't always look like He's doing anything.. That's why we just have to trust.'

We then moved on to imagining funny scenarios that might occur when all of us are 'under one ceiling.' We talked about Anya's reservedness and how Dasha would pull her right out of it. We talked about all of us singing Lady Gaga songs in the car together. (Dasha, much to my dismay, loves Lady Gaga.) We talked about future Christmases and Easters and family reunions and trips to visit Grammy in Florida. It was a great ride....a sail-through afternoon.

Like Nastia, I dream of the day we'll all be together under one ceiling --Anya singing in the shower, Nast cooking her newest creation in the kitchen, Dasha lining her dolls up for a parade, as she sometimes liked to do. I often think, even, of family photos I could take. For now, all four of us have no chance of being in one photo. But here are my three girls, the daughters of my heart, no matter what the world says. I hope one ceiling will cover them all some day.....and no matter where in the world that might be.


  1. Dreaming right along with you...A dream is a wish your heart makes, after all!

  2. For now, I suppose, your incredibly huge and loving heart is the ceiling!

  3. awwww she's sounds like a very smart girl!!! .. and such a sweetie:)


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