‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Friday, November 21, 2008

Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control...The Answer To So Many of Life's Problems!

For those of you who are a Heather Forbes' groupie like me, do you ever imagine what the world would be like if everyone read her books and lived the BCLC mindset? I know I may be sounding a bit naive here, but I do think about that, alot. You see, Heather and Bryan (Post) have not only transformed my relationship with my daughter, they have transformed my relationship with the world. It is impossible to practice their methods and not see a marked difference with how I interact with the world, and how the world, in turn, responds to me.

I also practice Heather's methods in my classes. Yes, sometimes I am working with at-risk children, RAD children, PTSD-diagnosed children. But most often, lately, I am in your typical public and private school classrooms. I choose to interact with every child using what I have learned from BCLC. Not only do I notice the difference, but so do the children.....and their parents.

'How are you so patient with them? I would be pulling my hair out!' said one parent this week after observing my class of ultra-rowdy 2nd and 3rd graders.

' You seem to honestly love them and connect with them on such an authentic level. How do you give them such focused attention without going crazy?' asked another just last night.

I want to start carrying copies of the book around with me so, in such instances, I can just pass it on to others. I want them to know it is simply a shift in perception, really. A willingness to be fully present and, for me, it has much to do with being willing to face my own crap. Yup. I've found that eighty percent of what I do that is different now, is simply getting my own past out of the way -- recognizing my own triggers and fears that get in the way of truly connecting with other human beings. Believe it or not, it has even helped me with my landlord and my oil company! Instead of being on the defensive when I get a call about an overdue bill, I listen. I take it in, and respond with truth and kindness. (Kindness solves a multitude of problems, surprisingly.)

I so want to go to one of Heather's seminars and learn to be a practitioner. I know I will someday. I believe in her method so much, and I believe it is the answer in so many other spheres as well -- not just with RAD kids.

If you are a new visitor to my blog, the book I am speaking of is here. Go read it if you haven't. I want to remember to post more about Heather's book, because it is the single most important influence on my daughter's and my life. (Well, besides God and prayer.) I just take it for granted often, because I've been practicing it for three years now. Time to be grateful again, and pass it on!


  1. Thanks for the reminder to make time to read it again and get back on track with it. I got Heather's new book the other day and haven't even opened it yet. I think I'll go read right now. After tonight, I can see I'm definately in need of a refresher coarse...

  2. Thank you for the review. I am so interested in this book! Do you think it works with younger (toddler/preschool age) children as well as older children?


  3. so many rad moms love this book- i cant stand it! first of all, 28$ for a book that thin is insane. secondly, hugs and kisses and way too much conversation is her answer for everything!my husband and i read it seperately and chatted afterwards(like i said,quick read@@)and we both felt the same way-yuck. what kid wants to hear
    "i know you are scared right now" 20 times a day?


  4. Hey Ali, to each his own I guess! This book so changed our lives I can't help but write about it. My daughter was impossible to reach until I used this approach. I know everyone has their own path with RAD. I just want to make sure that those who will benefit from BCLC know about it. Until I was introduced to it, I though I was going to have to live my life with a raging, terrified, aggressive, defiant, often physically abusive child for the rest of my life. I'm happy to say that three years with BCLC has tranformed the both of us. ( And I'm sure you know, from reading it, BCLC is not simply repeating 'I know you are scared right now' 20 X a day.That would drive me crazy too!)

  5. After two weeks of a shift in my perspective after reading BCI... my son was able to hold my hand! Three years of "what the hell happen?" and I didn't even notice he couldn't hold my hand. I remember the day. It was so special! That was the first of many days I've watched my son heal and change! I'm a believer.. BCI has totally changed my perspective of the world. My brain is constantly reanalyzing life as we know it trying to reprocess! Heather Forbes is simply brilliant! I have the new book. On the flip side my mother is totally unable to process the info, and I've been watching her slowly deteriorate from her adoption experience.
    Heather is coming in Jan to our area, and I'm taking some gals with me. I've been to one of her conferences and they are so worth it! For free!!! They will soon be offering instructor certification online. YAY! I can't wait..


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