‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Sunday, October 12, 2008

RAD Is Not A Life Sentence...

What a beautiful day we had yesterday, a day out of time. Just me and my girl celebrating her birthday together. And something occured in that gift of a day that lit up my heart like a forest fire:

We were driving to buy the biggest lego box she could find at Target. All the windows of the car were open, the wind was wild and giddy, and her current favorite cd was in the cd player (The Spring Standards, if you're curious).

She was singing along with her eyes closed and the most wonderful look of contentment spread across her face. At some point she opened here eyes and took a penny out of the middle console in the car. She held it up and said, 'God, thank you for this last year! This wish is that next year is the best year of ever and ever!' She tossed the penny out the window into the woods near the golf course.

'Honey, last year was a good year for you, wasn't it? I can't even imagine what amazing things this year is going to bring your way.' I wanted to acknowledge this moment of self-awareness

'No, mom, that's not what I was saying. That wish wasn't for me, it was for the whole world."

Her empathy caught me off guard. This? My daughter? Reaching outside the walls of her self, in praise? I felt my eyes welling up. She went on to explain to me that she knew that the world 'wasn't doing so well these days' and that lots of people were suffering -- losing homes, struggling to buy food, pay bills.

'I want God to take care of everybody this year, not just me.'

And with that, it was gone...the fear, the deep soul-ache, the hypervigilance, that darkness in her heart. For a moment I was given the most beautiful glimpse of my daughter outside of the prison that RAD ever holds her in. She was free, she was hopefilled , and she was holding the world in her hands.


  1. Oh wow. Thank you for sharing your special moment. How inspiring!

  2. hi keri,don't know if you remember us but we were ther there adopting our little girl when you got nastia. i'm sorry times are tough for you but i want you to know you are in our thoughts and prayers. our natasha has grown a lot but she still has problems(fasd and all that entails) but god is good and we roll with the punches. gotta go but will check in later

  3. Wow - I just found your blog today. I'm so glad to find another RAD mom willing to blog about the journey! I have two attachement challenged boys - one RAD, the other not far behind. They are making amazing progress and I am so grateful to be their mom - but it isn't an easy road by any stretch of the imagination. You can find a link to my blog in my profile if you're interested.

  4. What a great moment! Thanks for sharing a lesson I need to be reminded of.

    Thanks for commenting on my blog, I'm in the process of reading back through yours.

  5. oh wow! what a great moment! i love hearing there's hope! i can't imagine my em thinking of others yet, but i know she can get there! love it! thanks!

  6. Keri, I know this is an older post, but it just made my day! Hugs to you both!


What do you have to say? Leave a comment!