Yucky, awful, painful, overwhelming, disappointing day. Wouldn't even know where to start in telling you about it. All the intentions were good. I managed to get Dasha to the local Russian Orthodox church, as she has asked. But someone there made the mistake of asking her how long she had left in America, and from that point on it was hell. She was grieving and it was just heartbreaking to watch.
I just feel so very distraught about the pain inside Dasha. Pain deep enough to cause her to do as much physical damage to me as possible when she is angry.
I did my absolute BEST to keep her safe today (and me safe) but the angrier she gets, the more she lashes out. She lashes out at whatever is closest. She managed to get in two really hard bites to my hand today, and hit me with a piece of wood hard enough to cause a lump on my head. Lest you think I'm neglectful -- like how could she possibly get a piece of wood if you were watching her closely -- she grabbed it from the ground outside in the yard when I was picking her up to keep her from hurling any more rocks at the dog.
My hand stings. It's swollen like a bee sting where she bit me. The dogs are wary of her now. She is so loving to them most of the time, but when she is hurting, she hurts them. And then her guilt afterwards is just too huge for her. She lies on them telling them how sorry she is. 'I am bad, you are good!' she tells them over and over.
But the good of the day? She reached resolution after I held her before bedtime. I rocked her for a good 40 minutes and sang while she hummed. When I was done, she looked at me for the longest time and just traced my face with her finger.
I cannot help but hope for a better tomorrow for her.
Hi Keri. I understand. I've had a big attack of the humans this weekend. And even though I'm the one with the scratch on my face and the chunk of hair missing, I feel like the failure because I can't just fix. it. I can only imagine the pain and fear Dasha has in her heart, and how hard is is for you and Nastia when she needs to share them this way. I hope tomorrow is better too..try to take care of yourself :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you get your better tomorrow! {{{Hugs}}}
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ReplyDeleteYou are my hero! It sucks buckets not to be able to fix any of this. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair. May you all be blessed with peace. {{{HUGS!}}}
Hugs. Thinking about ya & hoping for a better today (it's after midnight).
ReplyDeleteMan do you and I have paths in perfect sinc or what? Visual memories are bad. I can rub my head (likely in the same place as you) and feel the lumps! Keep holding and keep pressing forward. You are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record for those who have not been bitten....a human bite is awful! Hurts!
My husband still has scars from where Anastasia bit him on her summer visit. I honestly think it was something of an accident; at least she's never bitten anyone badly since.
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