‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Anya is Doing Ok, Thanks For Asking

I got an anonymous comment here last night from someone suggesting I had 'forgotten' about my daughter Anya and that it was a shame I was hosting Dasha because it was obviously a slap in the face to Anya. First off -- HOW DARE YOU? It's comments like yours that make me question the validity of blogging at all. Why submit myself to such treatment? You don't even know me. I HATE judgemental people. And what do I hate even more? Cowardly judgemental people who hide behind the 'anonymous' mask. But, being the person I am - someone trying to be understanding in all things -- I will humor you with answers.

First, you are so wrong it is not even funny. Not only have I not forgotten Anya, but her absence is all the more palpable with Dasha here. I miss her. I love her. I want her here, but our ridiculously upside-down world won't allow it. I'm fighting it...going on five years now, if you need a reminder. And I WILL NOT STOP trying. Forget Anya? Just because I don't post every private detail about our weekly phone calls to her or how much money I send her monthly, or how many letters and packages we lovingly put together for her -- does NOT mean that there aren't calls and western union payments and letters and packages. I LOVE that girl. She is my daughter, no matter what the damn government has to say about it. I couldn't forget her if I wanted to. She is part of our family. She is half of my heart.

And as to your  'hosting Dasha is a slap in the face' comment: What world do you live in? Obviously a  quite narrow one. First off, we informed Anya about hosting long before Dasha entered our lives. She was happy, even excited for us. She knows I want to help other children that were/are in her situation. She knows how hard we are fighting for her, and she knows I have enough love in my heart for many more children. Hosting Dasha is a testament to our commitment to Anya and my commitment to Nastia. Hosting Dasha has provided Nastia with a chance to experience a sibling living in our home, a chance to share her love with someone else, a chance to improve her Russian for her sister....and a chance to have a break from grieving all the time. Dasha is a delightful reminder of what God has in store for us when Anya comes home. 

So Anonymous, that's my answer. I doubt it will satisfy you. If you had the wherewithal to post such a horrible comment, I doubt there is room in your heart or mind for an honest answer. I have found that it is people like you, who stand in judgement and hide behind the shadow of anonymity that the internet affords  -- it is people just like you who are keeping Anya from me. -- people who are negative, inflexible, holier-than-thou. YOU are the problem, my friend. Why don't you look in the mirror, deflate that air of arrogance around you, and go out into the world and do something nice for someone. Humility, my friend -- humility and love are what will change this world for the better. I'm just trying to do my own small part here. You'd be wise to stop hiding behind your computer and try the same.


  1. I am so sorry that someone decided to hurt you this way. Those of us who read and actually *see* the pieces of your life that you share through blogging know the true extent of your love for *all* of your children...

  2. Thanks Ashley:) You're too sweet.

  3. Oh my. I am mostly a lurker from the RAD mom blogosphere, an LOVE hearing about Nastia. Dasha is SO cute! But your devotion to Anya is ever present. It's inherent in everthing you and Nastia do. Its ALL over the web. Not just here in your blog. So that person...was blind and rude. I am so sorry someone treated you and your daughters that way. Please know some of us really find inspiration in your and other blogs even if we dont always comment on them.

  4. Thanks Colleen...your words really warmed my heart:)

  5. holy cow ker,
    i just don't even know what to say about this.
    i'm aghast.

  6. Anonymous4:23 AM

    A woman from this other blog I follow has a rule not to answer any mean comments by anonymous. I don't think you should publish them either. Just ignore even though I know it still hurts to read them. But, still, to devote the whole post to someone anonymous??? It might as well be some kid or someone who doesn't even follow this blog regularly or maybe does but is a coward as we can see, or just had a bad day??? So why care?? To all of us others it's clear as daylight that Anya won't miss on anything because of Dasha and even if we doubted that, there was a polite way to ask about how Anya was feeling about Dasha's visit, wasn't there!?

  7. Mary Boucher10:56 AM

    Keri, I'm so sorry that someone caused you such undeserved pain. Prayed for you and your beautiful girls in church this morning. You are all so special.

  8. Oh dear....that's so sad. I really get upset when I read anonymous comments. Do you ever read the horrible things that people write on the Salem News website? I swear....these people have no lives if all they want to do is ridicule those less fortunate than they are.

    I applaud all that you do for children everywhere. We are lucky to have you as a shining light here in Marblehead!

  9. I think some things should simply be erased and not answered,but AI was glad to hear that Anya knew all about Dasha before she came and was "in on it", so to speak. I can imagine, even so, that it would seem so ironic and unjust that some stanger-child could easily do and experience what is forbidden her..... At least I am the sort of person who would let it get to me, so I'm glad Anya is a "participant" in the whole scheme, and gets to hear all about it.


What do you have to say? Leave a comment!