I Really Truly Believe...

...that I was born to parent this irascible, mischievous, complex, adorable little girl. I don't know what mountains God plans to move, but I honestly am begging for it to happen. I cannot imagine going forward in life without her being a part of it. The thought devastates me. She is like a little puzzle piece that completed a puzzle that has remained incomplete. She has changed us, and we her. Her completely unfounded trust and faith that we are her family at first unnerved me and worried me, but now I wonder if maybe her little heart knows more than mine?

When she says ' Mama, God told me this is my family'  I have corrected her, and explained it cannot be. But her tears and deep grief just tear me apart. I now tell her that if she is meant to be with us, no law will stand in the way. But I try to offer her the thought that her family may be waiting for her. In the right time, she will be with them. ' No, no, YOU are my family. You and Nastia and Henry and Matilda and Kitty. You are my family and I am not going back to Ukraine.'

Hosting is agonzing in this respect. We walked into this knowing that I could not adopt her as a single mom. I went into this knowing it would be temporary. But my heart and Nastia's heart and Dasha's heart have all come together and it feels so good and right. I don't know what we'll do when we have to say goodbye. I really don't.

Here's to Faith and Trust in things not seen.

(note: Photo is of my mom with Dasha.)