‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Sorry for the Silence

Sorry to those of you who hae expressed concern that I haven't written in a few days. Anya took off Friday night and has not been back since. I didn't want to blog about it only because I was so sad. If she had said she needed some time, I'd understand, but she didn't. Not only that, but she did something I had made her swear she would never do -- she left her sister alone.

I had given them permission to go visit a third cousin in their old village, as long as they would be back by midnight. I called on the hour to check on them. At 11pm I told Nastia they should begin heading home. Well, the buzzer rang here at our building on time, but when I opened the front door, there was only Nastia. Anya had refused to come back and had sent Nastia on a 10 mile car ride at midnight with 2 people she did not even know. To say I was furious is the understatement of the century. I tried to reach Anya by phone, but she had turned it off. Now when I call, it says there are no funds on the phone.

I managed to reach Katya's cellphone voicemail and, though Anya is not with her, I trust she will get the message to Anya as she is in the same village. My message stated that she, Anya, was not acting like a loving daughter, I stated that I loved her but was very angry and sad. That she needed to contact me immediately, and that her sister was in tears. ( Anya has a tender heart, so I know that hearing of her sister's tears was important.)

I also told her that she once again made a promise to me and broke it, and that I have never broken a promise to her. I reminded her that she gets outraged when her friends tell her one thing but do not do what they said they would. She was acting just like them.

So, I've had a weekend of tears -- mine and Nastia's -- I won't lie. I feel spent, sad, alone, and lost. I'm sure many people don't even want to come and read these posts because I sound like a broken record. I've never been so lost and confused in my life. I pray and pray and pray. I cry and cry and cry. I do all the things that need to be done and more. God please hear my request! If I haven't been loud enough or fervent enough or relentless enough, here it is again, in writing, for the world to hear:


I'll blog again when I have anything worth reading to put here. for now, it's all the same: praying and deep sadness. I don't want to blog about that anymore...


  1. Still hoping and praying...and wishing I could do more. Anya's fears, and the newness of all this, won't keep her away forever - she'll be back soon.

  2. Oh, how scary for you and for Nastia! Thank goodness she arrived home safely! And God does hear your prayers. He just hasn't yet answered in the way you want. But we are told to pray without ceasing, which I'm sure you are doing, and many are doing with you. Please try to update as you are able. Many care so much and are interested in your awesome journey to bring Anya home.


  3. Oh Keri..I will continue to pray from here...

  4. You've passed "RAD Mom, 101"; now I think you are moving on to the graduate level coursework. For some reason just reading this post was bringing back all the emotions, ups and downs, I've undergone with Maxim... And that makes me want to remind you (though you surely know) that being under one roof in Massachusetts is not the answer. You can expect that same scenario to be played and replayed on home turf, and while that might make it easier in some ways, I really think that in others it makes it harder, because your own home is no longer the safe, secure place you need it to be.

    But having so recently read about how you responded to Dasha - and knowing what I'd do in your place - well, I know you will never give up. God set His light in you, and you will not let it go out.

  5. Many hearts are aching right along with you. Will continue to pray.

  6. Praying and hoping and just thinking about you and your daughters. Hang in there.

  7. I understand you but I think what confuses you at moments is that you're talking to Anya like to an adult because she looks like one physically so it's easy to forget she never had anyone to teach her basic values which means she is actually a small child in many ways. If you take her as a small child in the future things will get easier. You wouldn't let Nastia go anywhere with some little kid without you and therefore you won't let her go with Anya in the future either. Anya needs time to grow up and learn things(like all the little kids do). Also, when a child breaks a promise it's not that frustrating because it's expected that he/she needs much longer to learn to keep promises and behave in general so Anya needs that time,too. If you want to show Anya that you trust her start with smaller, less risky things as one would start with a little kid so if she breaks it there isn't much damage.
    I'm sure Anya will be back home soon because she simply needs you like any child needs parents.

    Has anyone called to help after the TV airing?

  8. Oh Keri! I am so sorry that you have to be dealing with this. I know you probably understand what is going on from your extensive knowledge of R.A.D., but it probably doesn't always help when you are in the moment.

    I will say prayers for you that Anya is safe and that she can find some way to submit to the fact that you honestly, truly and deeply love her. xo

  9. Anonymous11:21 AM

    Oh Keri I am so sorry - you must be SO worried. I will continue to pray for you all.
    Much love,

  10. Keri,
    You are not there to entertain us with your posts. We want to share your journey with you, the good, the bad and the ugly. You are a beautiful, hurting mama who has given everything for her girls - praying for peace, strength, and answers for you. You are loved, admired, and respected. Praying also for joy for you this day.

  11. Every day I'm praying for mountains to be moved for your family.

  12. Anonymous1:43 PM

    you are all in my thoughts and prayers. be well/stay safe and safe home for anya

  13. No one is tired of listening.

    There is a blog that is not one I am necessarily recommending to you right now, because it is so hard and real and true, and you have enough of that of your own at the moment! But the author, a 23 yr old "mama" of a houseful of orphans in Africa, has her heart so full of Christ she is truly a beacon in darkness--you would love her writing and her stories. But I read today something she wrote that I thought you could hear:

    ". . . If we are really following Jesus, we will go to the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. Because we must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate Joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it.

    So we go. This is where our family is today and where I hope to stay – loving, because He first loved us. Going into the pit, entering into the sorrow because He entered for us first and because by His grace, redemption is on the other side - again, and again, and again."

    For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him.--Philippians 1:29

    God is with you.

    Love, Blessed

    Here is the link, for when you are heart-ready:

  14. keri - i dont know what to say - i know she does not mean to hurt you - she is lost and looking for her way. i will pray she finds it.

    stay strong - angela

  15. My thoughts are with you. Sending all my love to you all.

  16. Hugs . . . and more hugs to all of you . . .

  17. Please keep posting. Even the bad is good because it makes those of us back home give more of our energy to you. Stay strong!

  18. Never think you are a broken record. Your continued struggles are what you are going through and we wouldn't read if we didn't want to know how things are going and how you are doing. If it's the same, upsetting thing every day, we still want to know! and maybe your readers might have some new insight or see some aspect that you haven't been able to see since you are so close to it all. Keep going! keep writing! it will all come right.


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