‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Deep Sorrow.....and A Request for Prayers and Light

My heart is in pieces. We phoned Anya last night and I was not prepared for what I heard.  She lost a very close friend to suicide this week, and she is feeling completely hopeless. This is the 2nd friend she has lost this year. (Suicide is pretty common for her age group and background in Kemerovo.) She was crying so hard when I phoned her, she could not speak. It ripped my heart out. 

Then this morning I spoke to the one person I trust to watch over Anya in person, my friend Svetlana. She said Anya was so desperate she was saying she should just do what her friend did - commit suicide. Thank God Svetlana found a way to get to her. I know today that Anya will be safe under Svetlana's care. but all I keep hearing in my mind is Anya's words to me, 'Mama, PLEASE come. Please take me home...' and then the rush of weeping.

For mothers reading this, I don't have to tell you what hell I am in right now. How incapacitated I feel being half a world away from her.  It's almost unbearable, but....as hard as this FOUR YEAR STRUGGLE has been,  I do very much believe in the power of love & prayer. If everyone reading this were to either pray/send light/meditate/chant/ what have you for Anya, I KNOW it will help her. I just need her to stay hopeful and safe until I can find a way to get her here.

I know to some it seems like nothing is getting done, but I do trust that those in power are doing what they can, albeit quietly and slowly. What YOU can do is pray/send light/ send love.

If you want to do more, a kind letter to Senator John Kerry's office will not hurt. A letter reminding him of Anya's situation and pleading for his intervention could not hurt. Phone calls will not help, nor will angry letters. But if you feel so moved to write a letter, here is the address:

Senator John Kerry
One Bowdoin Square
Tenth Floor
Boston MA 02114

Everything you need to know to write the letter is here:


Nastia and I promised Anya we will find a way to get there this summer.I don't care what it takes, we WILL get there. I'll be fundraising via yardsales and such for the next month, while Dasha is here, in hopes of trying to get to Siberia in August to be with Anya. If you have any quick fundraising ideas, please post.

Thank you for your love and support. I am so grateful for it. I feel like I am straddling to distinct worlds -- the world of joy in anticipation of Dasha's arrival, and the Anya's world of loss and sorrow. So glad I can turn to God (LOVE) in both...


  1. I feel so badly for you and her, that I could lay down and cry. How agonizing for you all.

    One fear I had is that Dasha's visit might make Anya feel left out; I hope not....but I do think you need to go visiting this summer.

    I'll write a letter....can't hurt and will make me feel like I'm doing something. Praying, too - of course!

  2. I am praying!!!!! I keep typing bunches of other stuff under this but keep deleting it because I know you've thought it all already. I was trying to explain to Jupiter one day that yes, we have to follow the rules, but sometimes doing the right thing means breaking the rules. I was thinking of Anya during that conversation. The right thing here is obvious. I don't understand why it is so complicated. My heart goes out to you!


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