Tornado Warning

So, there is a tornado warning in effect right now, here in central Florida. Two tornadoes have touched down a few miles away. I've never been here during a tornado warning. It's pretty surreal. Some internal house alarm keeps going off and reminding us that the warning is in effect. The wind is whipping around the house, and the rain pouring into the porch, sideways. It's actually pretty cool. Anastasia is hiding in the guest room watching Lord of the Rings. She doesn't like entertaining the idea of a tornado. It conjures up images of witches and houses falling for her. She'd rather hibernate and immerse herself in Middle Earth until the wind stops. I've been standing on the porch watching the weather do its' thing. If I only listen, it's like being home in Massachusetts during a nor'easter. I love the sound of the wind howling. There is something very primal about it.

Anyway, this computer is so very slow it was only today that I had the patience to use it. I've already reached my limit after one paragraph! I miss blogging. I miss reflecting about our life and chronicling it each day. I feel like I'm kind of floating in space without it -- no anchor, if that makes sense. The trip has been a mixed bag for both of us. There are alot of heavy drinkers in my family, of which I am not one. It's hard to watch the disappointment get the best of my daughter, with uncles choosing nightly binge drinking over spending time with her. She cried all the way to Target last night about it. She is confused and sad, and I don't blame her. If only they could see the pain they are causing. I'm done with talking about it. It does no good. If they only knew how one or two hours of their time and attention would feed her. She craves it and feels so unworthy when they ignore her. 'Mom, they don't call me anymore, they don't try to hug or kiss me. They don't hardly look at me..." was some of the conversation last night. I wish I could take the pain from her.

One a better note, her relationship with my mom has grown and deepened. My mom is giving her attention and support and they are spending time talking and playing games. I'm so grateful. Anyway, apologies for the depressing post. I'm pretty down this week. My family is so distant these days, and their priorities are very different from mine.

I'll likely delete this post later, but for now I needed to speak this. I needed to acknowledge that things are not great and I'm praying for eyes to be opened. Anastasia deserves the attention, love and support from all of my family. If only they knew how much pain their indifference and broken promises cause this damaged little girl. They have the power to be part of her healing. I want them to make that choice.

Florida, Here We Come...

I'm not sure if I'll have access to a working computer while we're away. My mom's is so slow that I'd rather experience chinese water torture than use it. So, if I can't post till December 8th, my heartfelt apologies. I'm hoping I'll find a good internet cafe. I think there's one at DisneyQuest, if I remember correctly.

Just to satisfy your curiosity, here's what we plan on doing: eat lots of turkey, rummage thru my dad's files, lounge by the pool, take long walks in the woods, ride bikes, swim, and, of course, visit the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, MGM studios, and Animal Kingdom. (Don't worry, one of my brothers works for Disney, so we can get in free.)

There are miles of trails in the town where my mom lives, and we often see alligators on our walks! We've also seen owls, hawks, wild boar, deer, strange birds that are taller than me, snakes, armadillos, and all kinds of other 'critters.' Anastasia is both scared and exhilarated by these encounters. I'll make sure our camera is with us this time!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

(and Happy 74th Birthday , Dad!)

The Joys of Living with an ESL Learner

Anastasia says things that crack me up every day. I just forget to write them down. The slip-ups with English are getting more scarce, so I want to jot down a few recent ones while they are still in my head. I am dreading the day when these mistakes don't happen anymore!

Of course the best ones happened when she was just learning English. Like 'Chicken tree' for "trick or treat' and 'condom' for condo. I loved the look at my mom's face when Anastasia asked to go to her 'condom' sometime..lol. Anyway, here are a few from the past 2-3 weeks:


"Mom, you crap me up." (And I thought I was being funny...)

"Mom, can I get plastic surgery? I'm really subconscious about my boobs." (self explanatory)

"Mom, you are getting on my last straw. Leave me alone!" (She gets last straw and last nerve confused all the time...adorable)

"B always has a ship on his shoulder." (that must hurt.)

"He's just playing the devil's avatar." (Could she be watching too much of a certain cartoon? She meant to say advocate, of course.)

If you have any to share from your own kids, I'd love to hear them!

Thanksgiving and Giving Thanks... For You, Dad

(Photo: taken at my parent's home last Thanksgiving: l-r my cousin Nora, brother Steve, me, my SIL Jana, and "Captain" my uncle and godfather.)

Anastasia and I are heading to Florida for two weeks. (Yay frequent flyer miles!) We'll be visiting my mom and having Thanksgiving with her and at least two of my brothers. It will be the first Thanksgiving without Captain, my uncle and godfather, who died of cancer in February. It will be strange, as he had become the patriarch of the family since my Dad died two years previously. I miss both of them so very much.

Thanksgiving usually falls on my Dad's birthday, too, so it was (and still is) always a very special holiday in our family. As bittersweet as it is, I'm still looking forward to going, because it has been over a year since I've had the time to visit there. And I love to poke around my dad's office and library. He was a writer, among many other things, and we still have file cabinets and desk drawers full to the brim with his notes, story ideas, research, etc. I even found his high school diary on my last visit while hunting around in his papers. It was so fun to read! My dad kept notes on his life starting when he was about ten. I probably know his childhood better than my own. He had just finished a book on his childhood when he died. He had been working on it on and off for a decade. My brother and I had hoped to get it edited and to the publisher by now, but life has gotten in the way.

My dad never met Anastasia. But he had been ready for her. He had a photo of her next to his bed, a closet full of gifts wrapped and ready for her, and even a nickname. " I'm calling her Annie, whether she likes it or not." was what he had said. He had loved the Little Orphan Annie cartoons when he was growing up, and that, he said, was why he would be calling her Annie. I told him she may not like it, but his answer was " Well, she'll get used to it." Anyway, it was not to be. He died on Father's Day, three weeks after I brought her home. We had plans to fly down the following week to see him. Instead, she met him when he was lying in his coffin on the very day she was meant to meet him in Florida. At the wake, she put a dollar in his pocket and a green apple by his side. She told me ( in Russian) it was in case he got hungry on the trip to heaven.

His death was actually the first experience of bonding I had with my daughter. For those first three weeks home she was the poster child for RAD, and I could not get within a few feet of her without being hit, pushed, scratched or otherwise abused. Emotionally, it was the same story. She would not let me in. But when my dad died, I fell apart. I mean, I really fell apart. I guess seeing me so vulnerable struck a chord with her. She reached out to me, in her own way, by being a little more tolerant of me. She even held my hand the day of the funeral, which was a huge victory to me. Of course, she did this in private. Once we were in public view, she took that hand right back.

So, in many ways, my earliest memories of my daughter are forever linked with my grief at losing my Dad. When I think of her coming home, it is all tied in with picking out his coffin, and choosing the right burial plot, and writing his eulogy. I am glad she was there for such a defining moment of my life. She feels close to my dad because of it. She talks to him before she goes to sleep at night. She asks him advice. She dreams of him. I even found an old photo of him hidden inside her pillow once. And I know, somehow, he hears her. They would have been best buddies. They were, by everyone's account, two peas in a pod. My Dad was tough, opinionated, gutsy, rebellious, and boy did he love to stir things up. He would tell others exactly what he thought of them, no matter how dangerous that might be at times. He sucked the marrow out of life. And he never, ever stopped asking questions. His granddaughter was cut from the same mold.

I remember someone meeting Anastasia after she had been home a few months. I don't remember who it was now, but I do remember it was an old family friend. After meeting her they quipped, " Geez, you went half way around the world to find a kid and you came home with your father!"

That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Just Do It

Take a moment, right now, to just breathe and empty your mind of every worry.

Remind yourself that everything is ok. Remind yourself that you are loved by someone.

Remind yourself that you matter.

Step out of your present circumstances and know that 'all shall be well'.

God holds you in His hands. He will not let you fall.

There...now isn't that better?

To the Hundreds of Pro-Gun Men From Ar15.com Currently Reading My Blog

So, some man decided it would be fun to post my profile and blog address over on a very pro-gun, pro-hate, anti-everything I stand for website and forum. They had great fun picking apart my profile and making fun of it. It sent literally hundreds of these guys to my site. I went to statcounter and suddenly I had over one hundred hits in less than thirty minutes.

I momentarily got scared and put my blog on private mode. Then I thought, what the heck am doing? Many of the men on that site talk about defending rights and the right to this, and the right to that ( that is, mingled in with all the hate and anti-gay stuff they are posting.) Anyway, if they really are as 'American' as they say they are on that forum, then they should be my biggest supporters in my right to post whatever I want to here on MY blog.

So, to all you guys who have been having a laugh at my expense, I hope you'll acknowledge that in defending your rights so vehemently on your site, you are, in turn, defending mine. Yes, I choose to blog about kindness and caring for others weaker than I, and about things you deem to be "hippie crap". You seemed particularly bothered by my profile stating I "look up to Gandhi and MLK." I hope you will allow me the very 'American' privilege of "agreeing to disagree."

Although it was upsetting to read posts with so many of you degrading and poking fun at my beliefs, I support your right to do so. I hope that you'll leave me in peace now and move on from this bit of 'fun' you had. I write this blog to support other moms like me. I am a single adoptive mom whose daughter lived through 12 years of hell before she came to me. I'm doing everything I can to help her to become a good person. I may seem like a 'hippie' to you ( that was one of the nicer sentiments anyway...) but I , like you, am far more complicated than a profile.

if it helps you to feel less bothered by me, I come from a family of veterans. One of my brothers currently serves, and I, like you, am indebted to him and others like him who defend our country. But remember, they are defending ALL of us...me included, and all those inalienable rights that we all enjoy as Americans.

Hope you will leave me in peace.

Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control...The Answer To So Many of Life's Problems!

For those of you who are a Heather Forbes' groupie like me, do you ever imagine what the world would be like if everyone read her books and lived the BCLC mindset? I know I may be sounding a bit naive here, but I do think about that, alot. You see, Heather and Bryan (Post) have not only transformed my relationship with my daughter, they have transformed my relationship with the world. It is impossible to practice their methods and not see a marked difference with how I interact with the world, and how the world, in turn, responds to me.

I also practice Heather's methods in my classes. Yes, sometimes I am working with at-risk children, RAD children, PTSD-diagnosed children. But most often, lately, I am in your typical public and private school classrooms. I choose to interact with every child using what I have learned from BCLC. Not only do I notice the difference, but so do the children.....and their parents.

'How are you so patient with them? I would be pulling my hair out!' said one parent this week after observing my class of ultra-rowdy 2nd and 3rd graders.

' You seem to honestly love them and connect with them on such an authentic level. How do you give them such focused attention without going crazy?' asked another just last night.

I want to start carrying copies of the book around with me so, in such instances, I can just pass it on to others. I want them to know it is simply a shift in perception, really. A willingness to be fully present and, for me, it has much to do with being willing to face my own crap. Yup. I've found that eighty percent of what I do that is different now, is simply getting my own past out of the way -- recognizing my own triggers and fears that get in the way of truly connecting with other human beings. Believe it or not, it has even helped me with my landlord and my oil company! Instead of being on the defensive when I get a call about an overdue bill, I listen. I take it in, and respond with truth and kindness. (Kindness solves a multitude of problems, surprisingly.)

I so want to go to one of Heather's seminars and learn to be a practitioner. I know I will someday. I believe in her method so much, and I believe it is the answer in so many other spheres as well -- not just with RAD kids.

If you are a new visitor to my blog, the book I am speaking of is here. Go read it if you haven't. I want to remember to post more about Heather's book, because it is the single most important influence on my daughter's and my life. (Well, besides God and prayer.) I just take it for granted often, because I've been practicing it for three years now. Time to be grateful again, and pass it on!