‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Monday, June 27, 2011


Our teeny cottage on the island.
Today was a bright spot. magic. Therapy, really. I left the house very early in order to pick up two of my summer staff - one at home and one at the train station - so that we could have our first staff prep day before the opening of Rebel Shakespeare. I promise you I know how lucky I am. Every summer I wonder how I got so lucky ...directing Shakespeare....with kids....by the ocean.....with the best staff...and getting paid for it. With all that is going on in my personal life (re: adoption woes), this day by the ocean with such great people was healing indeed. And so fun! I never laugh as hard and as much as I do with my fellow directors. Today was a comedy of errors, because our little cottage headquarters was locked and our keys weren't working.( Seems the lock was broken.) So, we had to break in! I had a lovely time getting a boost up to the top half of the broken window to squeeze myself in and over and down into the cottage.(I like proving I can still do things like that:)

We had great fun cleaning it up, although I ended up the designated spider killer. Sadly, I work with a bunch of wimps..lol. Every single one of them is terrified of spiders and would scream every time they ran across one -- and they were everywhere. I tried to save as many as I could but many got squished in tissues or sucked up by the power-vac. Sorry spiders.

This summer we are working on Romeo & Juliet, and so we sat in the shade on the grass and discussed the themes and our different takes on the play and what we envisioned. I also managed to rush to Danvers to catch my two godsons graduating from eighth grade before heading back to the island.

Anyway, this is a boring post, I know, but I felt I needed to post something after the last two depressing posts. Nothing has really changed since I last posted except my attitude. I needed to grieve before I could feel ready to fight this new spate of obstacles.

I can't post about all of them as I don't want anything else to jeopardize my adoption, but I will let you know that my homestudy agency is on the new Russian blacklist posted by the MOE. For those not familiar with adoption, this means that most of the work I have done on my papers these past few months is meaningless and I need to start over. Problem is, I paid the blacklisted agency and now have no funds to hire a new one to start over with. Many of my documents will expire and need to be redone, and I'm pretty sure I will have to file a new 1600a. Even worse is the new threat that the region may temporarily halt adoptions because of a new abuse case. Worst of all? The US is signing a new bi-lateral agreement with Russia on adoptions and it has been suggested they plan to make indy adoptions illegal in all regions of Russia. This would mean my paperwork would not be accepted. The agreement is set to be signed in mid-July. If my homestudy had been submitted when I was there earlier this month, none of this would be a problem.

I'm currently researching adoption grants, but the time involved in applying for them might preclude me from applying. I'm trying to just take as many steps forward a day as I can, while also going back to working full-time and over-time. It's not looking good, but there's nothing I can do but try to get a new agency ASAP and start over on the homestudy. I cried hard for several days (needed) and now I'm ready to fight again.You have to understand that as hopeful as I might seem about Anya, there is still a great deal of pain and regret about her failed adoption, and so this comes into play when I am facing unexpected obstacles in D's adoption. I get scared. I get terrified, really, that another child will be lost and alone. I can't bear the thought of it.

I'm grateful to those of you who offered prayers and support. I'm sorry my life seems to always have such ups and downs. But, as a dear and wise friend of mine told me 'this is what happens when you live your life doing risky things that others wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.' Most people don't attempt things with so many inherent risks involved, but I think it's worth the inevitable sorrow and pain to be reaching for the hands of children in need. It'll always be worth it. Just know that sometimes a few days of grieving is needed and is, honestly, a healing thing. Swallowing your feelings is never a good idea. Give them room. Give them a voice. Give them the respect they deserve, and then they will give you the space you need to move on.


  1. Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth -- Benjamin Disraeli

  2. Praying that things go better and that the adoption woes get resolved successfully and soon...

    And, if you don't mind cyberhugs from a virtual stranger, you are welcome to them! Hope the summer Shakespeare is fun!

  3. Keri,

    Do you know how the list works? If it says a certain region next to the agency does that mean the agency is banned in the entire country, or just that city?

    Very frustrating, our agency is on there too. Praying this is resolved for you soon!


  4. Kim, sadly it means a HS will not be accepted in Russia until that agency is off the list...but it takes at least 4-5 months and aften longer to get off the list. It's just awful.

  5. Have you requested that fellow adoptive parents suggest a non black listed Social Worker in the MA area in which you live? Perhaps there is someone who will pick up the ball where you left off.

    I know too well that the fear of expired paperwork is real. We had a failed adoption and I spent countless hours and money over a 15 month period keeping documents current. The rules changed all the time but in general they expire every 90 days. Then when the license of a particular physician was due to expire, all of their documents had to be re-filed. I am a logical person and the hoops made no sense. It was as if the officials were hoping I couldn't keep up and I would just go away. In the end, I did keep up and for other reasons after 2 trips abroad, we turned down the child. It's still all very painful.

    I don't want that to be you. You have come too far and already experienced the loss with Anya. There is no need to experience that loss again.


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