|Anya communicating with us via ipad translator.|
This week I came home to a weakening body, a suffering business, a non-existent bank account, and a pile of bills higher than the uncut grass in my overgrown yard. Normally I'd be a ball of anxiety over just one of these, but I'm choosing to have faith and keep walking forward. We all know it does no good to worry, but we fill our days with it anyhow. Of course I wish I weren't sick, and for certain I wish my business were doing better, but stressing over it will probably only make both things worse. I need to rest, pray, and do all I can do make things better. I can't change what's on my plate right now, but I do have control over my attitude about it.
God has shown me time and time again that He cares about the little things. He knows the state of my health, and my business. He sees my bank account. He knows the exact height of the weeds in my backyard jungle. If I put my trust in Him and do all that is in my actual power to help the situation, He promises that He will work everything out for my greater good. Sometimes suffering is part of the plan. Sometimes living in the unknowingness is what will teach us best.
I feel very sad of late, but not without hope. I always feel sad for the first few weeks home from Russia. The faces of the children haunt my waking as well as my sleeping life. I have trouble eating, thinking, and just plain functioning. Being sick is, in some ways, a welcome distraction: at least my body manifests how my heart feels.
I don't always share my intimate spiritual experiences, because I have a diverse reader base and I love that. Sometimes talking shop, spiritually speaking, can alienate people I have grown to love. But in this case, I'll make an exception. you can call me crazy if you like, I really don't mind. So... the other day, when I was praying my daily rosary for Anya, I received a very comforting and irrefutable word from above that Anya will be home someday. I was told to keep praying and keep trusting. Only minutes after finishing that prayer, I received a very hopeful email concerning Anya's situation. I'm not at liberty to share, but know that many people in a position to help are still working on this. For me, this email was simply a confirmation that what God had revealed to me was true...she will be home some day.
Who knows what good God is bringing about in the waiting. Look at Kirill's story, if you doubt that.
Today I am sick and sad and fairly pensive, but I am also hopeful. I know that my God is Love Incarnate and He is bringing His daughter Anya home to us in his infinitely perfect timing.