Hell On Earth, But Trusting the Light

There are no words, no words, to express the darkness that came our way today. I don't think it's even worth it to talk about it, except to say that I feel completely and utterly spent. I know why so many non-profits start here and then give up. I know why adoptions don't happen much here anymore. I know why parents chose never to come back here after they've adopted. I wish I could say more, but I can't, for fear of making it worse. What I CAN say is how unexpected it was to be attacked from the American side today. What was that woman thinking?

Lately I have received an endless stream of messages, emails and even public FB posts urging me to consider giving a bribe to a Russian official. Before you weigh in on one side or the other, let me humbly remind you that:

#1 it's illegal,

#2 it's unethical, and

#3 it's immoral.

Let me also add that I would never do this and that I also know it would not work anyway. After receiving over dozen of these messages, I finally posted a simple but firm 'enough is enough' on my FB page, and a flood of replies ensued. Basically, some 'friends' decided to hijack the post and make it a debate about bribery in general. Not very helpful when we're completely in over our heads with complex problems halfway across the world. I simply wanted the emails and messages to stop. Fair enough, dont you think?

Well, one woman in particular decided to hijack the already hijacked thread, and suddenly, out of the blue, accuse me of being pro-abortion -- saying that I had 'no right to comment on bribery' when I am obviously pro-abortion. She said I was a hypocrite and even questioned my faith. Hello? Have you met me?

First, I have never ever talked about my stance on abortion for a very personal reason. But you, unkind friend, have forced me into a corner I want to get out of.

Melissa Marie Macy, I am PRO-LIFE. I have always been PRO-LIFE, and I always WILL be Pro-Life. But I sadly have MANY friends and family who have experienced abortion and I choose not to hurt them further by discussing the issue in venues they frequent -- like facebook and my blog. Those conversations are for private, intimate communication, where words cannot be misconstrued. No help will be gained by a bloodbath online. Personal, honest and thoughtful communication between friends is how I choose to communicate my personal beliefs about abortion.

Anyone who knows me in ANY capacity knows my complete and utter adoration of and love for children. Since I believe, and since science shows, that life begins at conception, I am pro-life. I have never ever stated otherwise, though you accuse me of posting 'pro-abortion' beliefs. You, my false friend, are a liar. Don't misconstrue that statement either -- I am not resorting to name-calling, I am stating a fact. YOU LIED. Therefore, you are a liar. You chose to post something:

#1 that you could not possibly prove as true,

#2 in a public forum for all to see and get incensed about, and

#3 at a time when you KNOW I do not HAVE the time or energy to defend my beliefs.

Umm, we're a little busy here if you haven't noticed. We're fighting a losing battle against indifference, callousness and mind-numbing beauracracy , trying so hard -- and against impossible odds -- to find a way to open a door that has just been shut in our faces. You chose to take my focus elsewhere. Doesn't seem very godly to me.

Melissa, if God ever calls me to discuss my beliefs in a public forum, I do. And without hesitation. But this issue is so painful for so many people I know and love, I chose to wait for His Lead in when and how to share. God has made it abundantly and overtly clear to me that Facebook (of all places!) is not the place for that discussion. He, our God, is gentle, forgiving, humble and compassionate. Where was your compassion when you lashed out at me?

I am not going to fight a battle that God hasn't asked me to fight. My job is here, He has made that clear. My job does not involve paying bribes. He has made that clear, too. And my job is certainly not to entertain callous and insensitive and UNTRUTHFUL remarks from someone who chose to 'kick' me when I was down -- someone who purports very strongly to be a Follower of Christ, but acts very counter to that. Thus, I've deleted you -- something I have yet to do on facebook (delete someone because of something hurtful they have said or done.)

I do not hate you, I do not wish you ill....but boy am I angry with you. Given the level of inconsideration and viciousness of your words and your decision to bear false witness against me in a public forum, I choose to not interact with you any longer. I have enough REAL battles to deal with, without having to fight false new ones to take me off task. How would you feel if someone decided to accuse you publicly, in view of all your friends and family, of adultery? Can you imagine the horror of that for just a moment? Maybe it'll help you to understand the degree of hurt you unleashed in my life today.

I wish you peace, Melissa, but please do not contact me again. Ever.

And to all my friends who are pro-abortion and now wish to discuss my beliefs with me, I am happy to...just not here. In person, face to face, with love and respect....that's how I want to share.

An online public forum is no place for such an important conversation.

Obviously Ms. Macy does not know anyone personally who has experienced abortion. (Or maybe she does, but they are too scared to ever share their pain with her because they know they would be judged.) Melissa, just about every person I know who experienced an abortion carries terrible and irrevocable guilt about it. And often pain. And shame. And sometimes regret. It is not my place to judge them. It's my place to LOVE them. And you would have me bring their pain and shame to light on a social media site??? Are you crazy? God is their judge, not you or I.

And God, while I'm mentioning You..I want to reaffirm that I trust in YOU. I listen only to you. And I await your wisdom in this current horrible mess here in Kemerovo. I don't know how this situation can be fixed, but you do.You will find a way. I know it.