For You, Mary!

I am posting this in profound thanks for a great Grace I received today.

Thank you, Mary!

Hail Mary, Full of Grace!

The Lord is with thee.

Blessed art thou amongst women,

and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,

Pray for us sinners, now

and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Paperwork Hell

That is where I live right now. It's a scary place with no exits in view! Ahh! If you can offer up a prayer for my sanity or strength or focus, I would be incredibly grateful! I need to focus exclusively on D's paperwork this week, but it is proving to be much tougher than I remembered!!! God send me the mental strength and patience and calm to get it done!

When No One Answers

I've been trying to reach the orphanage via phone for days. It's either a busy signal or incessant ringing that I get in response. The frustration of reaching out and reaching out and getting no one at the other end makes me feel hopeless. And then I realized, this is what these kids in the orphanage feel day in and day out. They spend their childhoods hoping someone will answer the call of their heart, and nearly one hundred percent of the time, no one does.


No one.


Imagine wanting something as simple as someone answering your phone call. Imagine trying to reach someone for days on end with no result. Frustration sets in. Maybe anger. Sometimes that nagging feeling that the world is against you. Know that feeling? We all have experienced it at one time or another, right?


Now imagine wanting someone just to love you. Wanting someone to care enough to choose YOU. Reaching out with your heart in prayer night after night, like my daughter did, asking for God to bring you a mom or a dad. 


No one answers. 


The line is busy or it simply rings incessantly for years on end. People are too busy to answer you call, or too scared, or too distracted with their own lives, or.......something.


Today when I made my thirtieth attempt to reach the orphanage by phone, I was flooded with a sense of what these kids feel every day of their lives. The helplessness. The hopelessness. The deep and utterly inescapable knowing that you are forgotten. Invisible. Unloved.


My prayer this day is that more of you pick up the phone. Say yes. Go out on a limb. Be brave. Say to one of them,

'I choose YOU.'

Yes, Shakespeare with Kids

A couple of you have become facebook friends in recent months and have commented on how much you like reading about my work. I realized how much I tend to shut out my work life on this blog, for the most part. My last post got me thinking about that.

Anyway, I decided it was time to share a glimpse into the other half of my heart.....my work with kids and Shakespeare. Here are a few photos of my students performing over the past few years. We have an outdoor stage by the ocean. The children help build the set and costumes. It's a very magical world, if I do say so myself! Hope you enjoy this peak. This coming summer we are gearing up to do Romeo & Juliet and Hamlet.

A Midsummer Night's Dream ( Puck & Oberon)

A Midsummer Night's Dream   (The Rustics)

Love's Labour's Lost  (Costard and Moth)

Love's Labour's Lost ( Holofernes and Sir Nathaniel)

The Winter's Tale ( Leontes & his son, Mamillius)

Henry V ( Duke of Exeter and Sir Thomas Erpingham & boy)

The Scottish Play ( The three witches)

As You Like It ( Orlando and Rosalind, & Celia)

Scenes from Shakespeare for Little Ones ( Peaseblossom)

For Want of Photos, An Occupational Sharing

I notice I tend to avoid blogging if I don't have any photos to include. Why? I guess the fear that many of us have..that our words just don't carry much worth on their own. Silly, I know. but I also know that most of you reading this can probably relate! So, I am demanding of myself a post today sans photos. I hope it meets with your approval :)

I only have a week left of my current school job. I always have mixed reactions to these transitional times - bliss and anxiety. I'm elated that I will finally have time to prepare for my upcoming trip to Siberia (and relieved I may finally have time to clean my house) but I get anxious ending things. I always have, and I'm pretty certain I always will. First, I get very attached to the kids. I know I may be part of a very small club, but I adore 7th graders. It may just be my favorite grade to teach. I love their complicated adult/child selves that at once strive to prove their maturity while simultaneously embracing that mysterious joy that only kids seem to have 24 hour access to. They are too adorable for words on some days, and I just marvel at their sweetness and courage and wonder if their parents take the time to do the same.

There are some stand-outs, there always are. I always tend to gravitate towards the outsiders, the ones who just don't seem to fit in. The sad ones. In everything I do, I try to engage them and make them feel important and cared about. There is one boy who has been so quiet and angry from the first day. I wondered what caused his pain and lack of engagement. Yesterday I found out he had lost his older sister in a car accident this fall. Now I understand the mask of anger and defiance he wears. What can I do? I pray for him, I try to shower him with attention when I work with him. But in the end, he is going to be out of my life shortly and I will wonder about him for years to come.

It's hard to be a teacher. For me, anyway. I often find myself wanting to stop all the charades, the teaching and schedules and homework assignments and just sit and be with them. Ask them questions. Tell them how remarkable they are. Share with them the secret that they have the power to make a difference in this world. Remind them that they matter - they really matter. But, in a great  twist of irony, I know that I would lose my job if I did that -- did the one thing these kids really, truly need far more than learning Shakespeare or algebraic equations.

I wish I had a dual life. This one, and another where I would spend all my time dismantling our current educational (non)system and start from scratch. One where I would devote every minute to making the children of our world marvel at their own worth and magic before they ever learned that 2 + 2 = 4. I grieve over the current state of our schools. I always have. I only really continue to work in that dysfunctional system because I know I am giving my students a much needed break from all the madness. I give the school an excuse to pull them out from behind their desks, and put them in a space where I can level the playing field and show them something far more magical and life-affirming than fluorescent lights and busywork.

A good half of the reason I removed Nastia from school was due to my firsthand experience of the insanity of our education system. Of course there was an other half at play - the fact that she was not learning due to her own set of unique needs and learning disabilities. but even if Nastia were an 'A' student and without an IEP, I'm sure we'd still be homeschooling. I just can't see putting my daughter in that prison. I just can't.

Anyway, of course there is much more to this, and perhaps I will get to write about it at some point, but right now my life has only little puddles of free time, and I must get back to work. My students await:)

I'm Definitely an Optimist

I already have two gigantic duffle bags filled to an epic capacity for next month's trip to the orphanage. And then there is the growing pile of donations that stands ready in D's room. You see, I just assume I am going to find a way to get everything there, even though I can barely manage the two already packed, thank you very much.

When we headed over in September, we brought four massive LLBean rolling duffles. I can't even tell you what a comedy routine it was to get them in an out of elevators, up and down escalators, and on and off of conveyor belts at the airport. Thank God Nastia was in a good mood that day, that's all I can say. but Nastia is adamant she is not going on this trip. I have no idea yet where she will go or who will stay with her, but God does. But my chief concern  (or challenge, let's say) is how this arthritic, middle-aged, height-challenged woman is going to cart all these bags to Siberia herself. I honestly didn't think about it until someone asked. I just assumed God would provide a way. And I think perhaps He has.

A very dear new friend of mine has a daughter who is more than obsessed with the idea of travelling to Siberia with me. She is twelve years old. I've honestly never met anyone quite so selfless. Well, I have...but not at twelve years of age! B is the girl who gave me all her birthday and Christmas money last month to put towards D's adoption. She reads my blog faithfully, and wants nothing more in the world than to go to the orphanage with me, and shower those kids with love and attention.  (Of course she is already bugging her mom to host, if not adopt, one of the kids, too!)

Now, there may be many that feel they want to come and help. In fact I know there are, as many people write to say 'Oh, how I wish I could find a way to go with you!'  but B means business.  She racked her brain to come up with a creative way to pay for her airfare. She decided to ask friends and family to donate their 'orphaned socks' -- you know, the ones that have lost their match and sit in the back of your drawer for months on end? Yes, those socks. So she collected a great many of these and has been using her limited free time to create sock animals that come with their own name and birth certificate that she makes herself! How brilliant is that? She sells to friends, family and even her teachers! In just a week or two, she has made nearly $100!!

Although B is selling her creations locally, I asked if I could link to her blog so you could read what she is up to and offer encouraging words! Her mom, being a good mom, worries about the whole blog thing. So, FYI, she only posts after her mom previews her writing and she does not post any identifying info.

Please take a moment to stop by and say hi to this incredible 6th grader. She is truly one of those special souls you count yourself lucky to meet. B is out to save the world, and I don't doubt that she will succeed...one sock at a time!

Accentuate The Positive

Not going to lie. It's been a rough few days. Very rough, but most of it I can't blog about. Just imagine a whole lot of bad days rolled into one and then times it by three.

But I'm tired of being sad and overwhelmed and I find myself going in search of any blog or site I can find that is upbeat and positive. Funny, too. Funny is good. So I'm going to take a stab at sharing whatever slim pickings I can think of from the last few days of my life that are positive or funny.

Animal Farm
 No matter how bad things get, our five pets are a nonstop source of  AFV outtakes. How many cats do you know who hide in the bathtub just waiting for the chance to scare the living hell out of the dog -- over and over again? And do any of your dogs sleep upside down, with all four legs in the air all night? I didn't think so. How about a fish that tries to escape his tank at least once a week? No? You're missing out.Simply put --we have very 'special' pets.

Food Wars
Nastia has taken to secret labelling food jars and boxes when I'm not looking. Something yummy? Then she;s likely to break out her handy Martha Stewart-ish label maker and mark it in big bold letters  - NASTIA'S. Of course, she doesn't have the guts to tell me to my face that the cookies I just bought should be all hers.So what does she do? She waits till I'm asleep and labels everything she doesn't want to share. Funny, I thought I was the breadwinner. Doesn't the breadwinner make these types of decisions?

proof.

Snowmageddon
We live in an ice cave now. It might look like a house on the inside, but the outside is pure igloo. There are ice  fangs hanging along the whole eve of the house. As you walk up the front path, it looks like you are about to be devoured by a very nasty ice creature the size of a fifties ranch.

ice fangs.

My Daughter's Insane Imagination
Nastia has a very vivid imagination, which makes for strange conversations. Today she told me she couldn't wait until we were in heaven so she could perform surgery on me. What? Yes, it turns out that one of her longtime dreams is to 'see what's inside' me, but she is nice enough to wait until we are in heaven. Her rationalization:  "Mom, nothing hurts in heaven. I can perform lots of surgeries on you...see your heart and your lungs and everything --- and you won't feel a thing. I wouldn't do that to you while we're stuck down here." Gee, thanks honey.

My Dream Life
In my dream life everything is perpetually wonderful. At least lately. Every night I go to bed crying, or at least begging God for some relief from one thing or another. And every night I dream of being reunited with either Daniel or Dasha or Anya. Not kidding. Every. Single. Night. Last night it was Daniel. In the dream, I drove my Toyota all the way to Siberia, and was parking in the back of the orphanage when I saw Daniel with a bunch of kids outside. He was holding a basketball. He dropped it and ran, not walked,  to my car and pulled the door open before I got the chance to undo my seatbelt, and then he was hugging me and crying before I even took the keys out of the ignition. I woke up sobbing into my pillow, and saying  'I love you' outloud in Russian:)