‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Thursday, May 30, 2013

'Sasha of the Golden Hair'

Little Bean Sasha :)
This is Sasha, my 'granddaughter'. This ultrasound was taken when Anya was at 3 months, so Sasha is just a tiny little bean here. But if you look closely, you can see her little nose, her arm rising up, her foot. A new life. A glorious, miraculous, unexpected new life. And here she is, in the flesh, for real.

I saw my first ultrasound photo in 1982, when I was just 16 years old. My older cousin was pregnant and had made me godmother. She let me come to all her OB appointments, and I'll never forget that first glimpse of Heather Rose Cahill. I actually got light-headed and the doctor had to get me a chair and a glass of water. It wasn't fear, it was the stunning realness of this little life. I was seeing it, and I was amazed.

We asked Anya to share the photo a while ago, but she had no way of copying it to share it. She skypes with us via her friend Katya's phone, which has no camera, so we figured we'd just have to wait. But Anya got the doctor to email the image to her and so she shared it with us last night. Nastia and I made fools of ourselves, screeching with delight when it slowly emerged on our computer screen. Such a tiny little thing. Such a breath of fresh air in this hard life.

I dreamt of Sasha last week. I was watching Anya, almost lit up in a glow of light in some, unknown nebulous place. She was calm and look so content and peaceful. I could see Sasha right through her belly. A fleet of angels was behind me as I watched, and a male one leaned over my shoulder and whispered with great awe, 'Sasha of the Golden Hair.' Then I awoke.

I am still waiting patiently  for word of my Russian visa. As soon as it comes, we are on a plane to the other side of the world. I'm sleepless with excitement. I can't wait to be with Anya again, can't wait to watch these sisters reunite and laugh and even fight as only sisters can. And I cant wait to speak to Sasha through Anya's belly, tell her I love her, tell her she has someone in her corner for life.

I'm not sure if I mentioned earlier that Anya gave Nastia the gift of naming the baby. Nastia chose to name her after their Dad, Sasha. Her full name will be Aleksandra, but she'll be called Sasha, like their Dad. I'm sure the significance of this incredibly loving gesture is not lost on him, and I'm sure he's keeping a close eye on his 'three' girls, from the Other Side.

Anya and Nastia's 'Papa', Sasha.

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