‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Not-So-Gentle Art of Nesting

I went through this phase when I adopted Nastia. And I'm at it again. It is this overwhelming compulsion to perfectly clean and utterly organize every single room, corner, closet, cabinet and cupboard in my house. I had always known that biologically pregnant moms go through this nesting phase, but it was only after I adopted that I learned it is fairly common for us 'paper' pregnant moms, too.

When I was 'paper' pregnant with Nastia, I honestly thought I was going crazy. My compulsion to clean and organize the house was not even borderline obsessive, it was obsessive! One friend worried I had developed OCD. I would stay up till four and sometimes even five o'clock in the morning getting a closet 'just right.' I would get up at 3am after a few fitful hours of sleep to organize my pantry can by can - labels all facing the same way, taller ones towards the back, smaller ones to the front. I would wash Nastia's new bed linens over and over. I would iron her pillowcases, I would dust her never used bureau, I would vacuum her immaculate new braided rug. I was a cleaning virtuoso.

Well, it's that time again, I guess. There really is no rhyme or reason to it, but somewhere in my crazy little brain, it seems to have dawned on me that I have a son coming home in a few months. In some dark corner of my subconscious, a light has gone on and the machinery of motherhood has started, and I am helpless to stop it!

Today, I went through work files and boxes and threw away about 3 recycling bins full of papers -- old posters and programs, student health forms, outdated scripts, obsolete resumes, dusty laundry lists of props and sound cues. I purged them all. Now, my son-to-be would never have any reason to see these files, but my mind doesn't differentiate -- it all has to go. Some really neurotic part of me seems convinced that every extraneous paper, gadget, book and toy must be purged. The nest must be ready! And so I soldier on -- against my own conscious will -- to fight the 'battle of the stuff'.

And in a typically co-dependent fashion, my girl has caught this craziness too. She has filled three large boxes for the homeless shelter in three days. She is weeding out unloved clothing, unwanted dvds, and unneeded stuffed animals to make way for...what? Her brother?

Well, D will come home to a very clean and clutter-free home. His room is the only thing left to really organize...and it sits chockful of orphanage donations at present. We'll have to tackle his room after we make our first trip. And just a few weeks after he arrives, the house will, in all likelihood, get that lived-in look again. I look forward to that.

But for now? I've got a basement to conquer...

1 comment:

  1. I'm going through something similar but not as intense. We're weeding out things to sell at our "orphan yardsale". Everything too small or unused or too big or too 'whatever' will be out there with no price tag just a hope that the donations will be enough for some child to find a forever family. You'd be very welcome to come here and help :)


What do you have to say? Leave a comment!