What The Still Small Voice Keeps Saying

The more I pray and hand over my life to the God who has proven Himself to me, the more clarity I find in my head and heart, and the louder that 'still small voice' gets. It's amazing, really. Sad that it took me into my forties before I really felt true peace and a true sense of what I'm here for, but it's better late than never!

So, the voice is getting more clear. My dreams speak it, my waking life follows it. I'm to create that non-profit I talked about, and part of the plan seems for me to purchase a house near Orphanage #5, in the tiny village that sits above it. I can see it. I don't know exactly what it's purpose is yet, but I can guess. I don't know much more than that right now, but my mind keeps imagining this house there. That I own ( well, that the non-profit owns...). I'm not there all the time, but someone is, and its a place of healing and hope.

I remember the first time I told the Director that I wanted to purchase a house in the village. She just shook her head, like that was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. I understand. No one there 'gets' why anyone would want to come back. If they had a chance to get out of there, they would knock others over to get to the front of the line. It is a desolate, hopeless, dead end place. But I love it.

No, more than love. Not even the word love seems to speak the depth of yearning that I carry for this place. I just feel like my heart lives there. My body and mind are here in the States, doing their thing...but my heart? My heart is buried in the snow of Visotky village in rural Siberia. I feel it beating there.

I don't really know why I'm sharing this nebulous dream with you. Its far off. It's hard to imagine it will ever materialize, but something tells me that's where I'm headed. I mean, how long can I live without my heart?

I wonder what it will be! A haven for children who age out of the orphanage? A home to shelter new mothers? A meeting place for creative activities that inspire the orphanage kids? A respite spot for the caretakers? A food bank? I have no idea. But I'm excited to see.

God loves surprises. He never seems to give us the whole picture at once. I used to hate that, but now I get it. And the unfolding is beautiful! It's like getting to glimpse DaVinci painting a masterpiece. It's like waiting for Shakespeare to envision that final scene of The Winter's Tale and set it on paper.

I wait with bated breath.