‘What does love look like? It has the hands to help others. It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy. It has eyes to see misery and want. It has the ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men …… That is what love looks like.’ - St. Augustine

Sunday, January 09, 2011

What The Still Small Voice Keeps Saying

The more I pray and hand over my life to the God who has proven Himself to me, the more clarity I find in my head and heart, and the louder that 'still small voice' gets. It's amazing, really. Sad that it took me into my forties before I really felt true peace and a true sense of what I'm here for, but it's better late than never!

So, the voice is getting more clear. My dreams speak it, my waking life follows it. I'm to create that non-profit I talked about, and part of the plan seems for me to purchase a house near Orphanage #5, in the tiny village that sits above it. I can see it. I don't know exactly what it's purpose is yet, but I can guess. I don't know much more than that right now, but my mind keeps imagining this house there. That I own ( well, that the non-profit owns...). I'm not there all the time, but someone is, and its a place of healing and hope.

I remember the first time I told the Director that I wanted to purchase a house in the village. She just shook her head, like that was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. I understand. No one there 'gets' why anyone would want to come back. If they had a chance to get out of there, they would knock others over to get to the front of the line. It is a desolate, hopeless, dead end place. But I love it.

No, more than love. Not even the word love seems to speak the depth of yearning that I carry for this place. I just feel like my heart lives there. My body and mind are here in the States, doing their thing...but my heart? My heart is buried in the snow of Visotky village in rural Siberia. I feel it beating there.

I don't really know why I'm sharing this nebulous dream with you. Its far off. It's hard to imagine it will ever materialize, but something tells me that's where I'm headed. I mean, how long can I live without my heart?

I wonder what it will be! A haven for children who age out of the orphanage? A home to shelter new mothers? A meeting place for creative activities that inspire the orphanage kids? A respite spot for the caretakers? A food bank? I have no idea. But I'm excited to see.

God loves surprises. He never seems to give us the whole picture at once. I used to hate that, but now I get it. And the unfolding is beautiful! It's like getting to glimpse DaVinci painting a masterpiece. It's like waiting for Shakespeare to envision that final scene of The Winter's Tale and set it on paper.

I wait with bated breath.


  1. Every time you talk about these plans my heart smiles and feels more pulled towards it, and you. Blessings to you and your plans, Keri. All of them.

  2. Yay, Keri! This is beautiful and exciting! Can't wait to watch it work out!

  3. Get Barnett on it and let's build it: http://www.modulex-international.com

    You're just so awesome.

  4. I hope you realize that dream one day.

  5. Oh, dear Keri - my soulmate! The idea that someone could feel so much the way I do! Except, of course, I want you to love Ivanovo or Shuya! Then, we'd be unstoppable.

    Do you happen to get, or have a way to read, Russian Life? This magazine is one of my only self-gratification splurges. One of my favorite features, which is usually included, is an essay from a woman and her husband who life in a tiny village in rural Russia.... I always wish it were me.

    Over and above what you might accomplish, there is just "sign value" to doing such a thing. It shows the people there that what they have has beauty and significance.

  6. Keri I just love reading your blog and hearing your dreams. Keep sharing. I am dreaming similar dreams of taking care of the "graduating" orphans as soon as we are "debt free"-hopefully within the next 3-4 years. Meantime, trying to learn russian and to figure out a way to care for the young people without having to live there and without corruption taking over. Look at our blog of our Kemerovo journey in June09. www.kemerovobound.blogspot.com
    Blessings to you for an incredible 2011. CindyK

  7. On a previous post when you were advocating for the children you mentioned that you were not in the adoption field. I thought, "Why not?" Why not have a home in the village where you could bring prospective adoptive families over twice a year and be the translator, tour guide and personal advocate for DD#5 since you already have ties there. When not full of potential families you could have people come and stay there to do community work, help fix the orphanage and village homes, hold VBS or other types of childrens programs, have some teach English and Geography etc. and be a blessing to the entire village. Kids that age out could use the house to learn a trade ie sewing items that could be sold on etsy, carpentry or welding anything that would give them a skill and boost their self esteem.
    I totally support you in this. We are starting an orphan/adoption fund. Don't know yet how it will be used but it will be heading your way once the non profit is established.
    God is good! Keep us informed.

  8. Hi Keri! I don't know if you've already heard about Davids, but if you could help get the word out it would be appreciated!


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