|My favorite photo of Nastia this summer.|
Worry One: I have been unable to reach anyone at the orphanage for close to three weeks. This is very upsetting and worrisome to me. i was speaking to D almost every other day, and now he has not heard from me in weeks. I wonder if he's worried or feels forgotten. I have called, I have emailed, I have called the few teens there who have phones, I have emailed the Director privately. The calls go unanswered,the emails garner no response, the teens' phones have a message saying "out of funds" and the director herself has not responded to my personal emails. now, in all likelihood she is on her annual vacation, but it is still hard to not know how everyone is doing there. I go on google earth and look at the building and pray for them. Hope they feel it.
Worry Two: I have been unable to get the payment owed me by two different schools and so I have had to put my homestudy on hold until I can pay for it. i'm plugging away at other dossier documents ( for D's Adoption) but the late start on my homestudy is slowing everything else down and making me scared and sad.
for one school, I am going to have to probably go to court to get the $2500 they owe me. I don't like that. generally when people or schools don't pay me, I try for a year and then give up. But this is such a large amount, It's not right to let it go. But I'm scared to go after it. I wish they'd just do the right thing...
Worry Three: I am starting to realize that many of Nastia's learning disabilities are holding her back more than expected. We homeschool, so I don't notice them as much because we work at her grade level, which is several years behind her peers. But she is in Driver's Ed. now and struggling to understand and keep up. No matter how much we work on it, her spelling never improves. Because of her nystagmus, she is still reading very slowly and it is difficult for her to copy notes from the board in her current class. She is feeling so down on herself and keeps calling herself 'stupid', because the other kids seem to 'get it' in class, and she is lost. One of the primary reasons we homeschooled ( aside from the fact that she was acting out at school) is that I hated hearing my daughter say she was 'stupid' all the time. At home, I can move at her pace and help her feel successful. She loves the Driver's Ed class and the teacher, but she is seeing how hard it is for her to follow, and it makes her sad. It is bringing up all the dormant worries I have about her future. She is SUCH a great girl, so full of love and so very curious about the world, but she is way behind her peers and always will be. I'm sad for her right now.
Well that's enough whining for now. There are a good many more worries keeping house in my head, but I'm not ready to share them all with the world. But I do feel better letting these three out!
I hand them all over to God, who is bigger than any of them. May He use all of them for good and help me see the light in them, too.