Anyone Good At Pep Talks?

(This is what I feel like.)

I seem to have hit a slump these past few days. Don't let my last post fool you. I just posted it to fill the page. Behind that post was a miserable whiny b*tch who has not felt like herself for several days. You may have noticed I haven't been commenting on your blogs much (though I have been reading.) I'm just too grumpy and sad to comment or write or do much of anything. I'm not good at calling on my real world friends for support. I'm just not comfortable being that vulnerable. Don't ask me why, at 43 years old, I still have no idea.

Anyway, for some odd reason, spilling my guts here seems less scary. I know, I know, that makes no sense, seeing as posting on a blog is like writing your woes on a neon sign for the world. But anyway, I digress. I thought maybe there is someone reading this who is filled with joy and gratitude right now and they could give me a little pep talk. Only if you're up to it. I love giving pep talks when I'm in a good space, so I thought maybe there are others like me. I know the world seems to work that way -- when you're down, your friend is up, and vice versa.

So, I will catalog my woes here. Only read them if you can handle the whine. I just have to get it all out. I should preface this by mentioning I found out I am peri-menopausal, so that may be contributing. You know, the dreaded hormone factor? Anyway, here goes. Feel free to stop me at any time.

1.The specialist I saw yesterday about the auto immune disease I've got was a complete a**. I won't trouble you with the details, but basically he rushed me out of there because I am uninsured (I think he was worried about my ability to pay.) He made disparaging remarks and was quite dismissive, and offered no advice whatsoever. He even questioned how I would know that the salmonella came from Austin PB crackers. "How could you possibly know that? It could be from anything." he so kindly said. I could go on, but I won't.

2. I found out I've gained 20 pounds. That's 20 on top of the 20 I already was overweight with. Where is this extra weight hiding? You got me. Thank you, menopause....

3. I still have several schools and individuals who owe me money. All told it amounts to $6,000 which is alot of money for a single mom like me. I'm tired of bugging each of them about it. What more can I do?

4. All four of our pets have worms. The little rice kind. The kitten, it turns out, was born with them. She has generously shared it with all the others. The meds won't be too bad, but the upcoming vet visits and multiple stool samples could put us in the poor house. (Just kidding.)

5. I lost a job I was expecting for this spring. It's at a school I love, and the children were as excited as I was to begin, in March. Long story, but they are using someone in-house to pull a musical together. No room for Shakespeare. I'm really sad, not even so much for the lost revenue as for the lost opportunity with these amazing kids.

6. I have to go to court tomorrow. A company is suing me. Most likely I will win, because they are at fault and it will be pretty obvious, but you never know. If I lose, there goes $1800.

7. The back pain continues. It's certainly not as bad as it was, but it's always there and it's annoying. It just makes bad days like these seem so much worse.

8. Then there are all the inconsequential little things weighing me down: very messy house, car brakes need replacing, car didn't pass inspection, excise tax and several bills overdue, furnace leaking, yada yada yada.

So, if anyone reading this is in the mood to lift my spirits, I give you carte blanche. Lift away. But I must warn you, I am 20 pounds heavier these days.