Shhh...Listen

I'm sorry I don't post as much, friends. The reason is very simple - I'm in a 'gathering' process. Writing seems counter-productive and somewhat of a struggle at this time. It feels as if all my soul's energy and will is focused on absorbing, gathering and taking 'in'. You might ask 'what', right? I'd say I am absorbing as much information, wisdom and insight as I can. I am praying and meditating twice daily - listening for insight from God/Love. I'm disciplining myself to listen inwardly, to tilt my ear towards the Great Silence and hear what that beloved Creator of 'All That Is' might be saying.

And I'm practicing awareness. I'm watching myself and, with great kindness, trying to teach myself a deeper and deeper knowing and caring of others. I'm trying to listen more deeply, and love more unconditionally. I'm trying to push all worries, fears and excuses aside and just be present with whomever is put in my path. I'm trying to be as open and flexible in my heart and head as I am able. I am holding high expectations of myself to be the most loving and helpful version of myself I can be.

It's hard. Sometimes our physical selves want to be lazy. Mine does. Sometimes I don't want to discipline myself and it takes great effort and commitment to keep at it. I think of Jesus, and Buddha. I think of people who have disciplined themselves and walked through great trials. I think of Gandhi and MLK and Mother Theresa. I try to learn from their lives, their words. I try to listen more deeply to the things they said. I challenge myself to try harder and harder. I want to be the most loving version of myself possible before I leave this planet.

And why? Because I cannot think of anything greater to aspire to on this earth than to be as loving a vessel as possible. Love means a great many different things to a great many different people. What I aspire to when I say 'loving' is to listen and be present with others right where they are at, to be as forgiving as my flawed little self can muster, to be as accepting and caring and present as my human form will allow. This does not mean there is no room for strong words and strong actions sometimes. Sometimes Love is a winnowing fork. My job is to be present, to listen and to discern with as much Love as I can muster.

And when you make this commitment, life will hear you. You will have trials. You will be given the chance to practice your commitment in the worst of circumstances. This has been my experience lately. I haven't passed every test, but I've learned from each of them. Right now I am learning compassion for those who hate me. We all have those who hate us, but we usually strive very hard to either sway their opinions or, in less inspired instances, seek revenge of some kind. I'm choosing neither. I'm practicing loving these people despite their opinion of me. Is it easy? No. But it gets easier every day. We must strive to rise above all darkness, especially the darkness that can settle in human hearts. How else can we foster change? We can't. Unless we invite the light in, unless we love when others hate, we cannot evoke change of any lasting kind.

I want to truly, unequivocally, with all my heart, be part of true and lasting change. And the only change that makes a difference is Love.

I'm now heading back into a very busy work schedule and I'm scared. I know how difficult it will be to hold this level of awareness when I am working so many hours, and responsible for so many people. I will call on Love to inspire and uplift me through it. I will ask for my heart to be enlightened. I will listen as fervently and humbly as I can.

So that is why I have been relatively quiet. I feel incapable of sharing anything of true consequence lately, because my whole heart and soul are so very preoccupied with listening and learning. But it's just a season. I know another season will come sooner than I expect. But for now, I am in a quiet place and my ear is turned to the Source of All Love, and I am listening.