Sorry For The Silence

Hi Friends,

I don't mean to be silent. It's been encouraging to get emails from readers asking when I'll be back or how Anya is doing, or daniel, or D, or Nast -  or when I'll next be in Russia. It feels good when we know we've made an impact in someone's life through our words. So, thank you for the emails and private message sent via the comment section. I've truly appreciated them!

I'm mostly not writing because I'm doing so much in the way of thinking and 'acting' - by acting I mean, of course, getting things done. I have had almost no appetite for writing in months and months, but I see this as a pattern in my life. I go through periods of introversion about once every year, where I seem to be taking stock of things, absorbing new information, praying, meditating, and generally doing alot of internal 'house-cleaning.' 

I wish I could just force myself to write, but I can't. I just need to trust the internal call to listen and be present. I know I'll enter a time of sharing words again soon. It's just not right now.

I will try to write updates as I can, but right now I'm spending most of my time:

~Keeping track of and in touch with Anya - which at times is tough
~Keeping track of and in touch with Daniel, which is even harder
~Keeping track of and in touch with D while working on her documents
~ Helping Nastia navigate this last semester at school, which is proving very    hard for her.
~Working as much as possible to pay for adoption #4!

I love hearing from you, so please don't hesitate to drop me a note if you're wanting to. I  have absolutely loved hearing from so many of you! I'll keep you posted if there are any big changes or developments. The only things on the horizon right now are preparing for my upcoming trip to England with 21 of my students in April, preparing for a trip to see Anya and Daniel in Russia in late May, and anxiously awaiting D's visit in June and July!

I'll keep you posted. Thank you for understanding my current need for quiet introspection and prayer!

Overdue Check-In

I know it has been far too long. I've been focusing on work almost exclusively these past few months - first, to keep my mind off losing Daniel. And second, to save as much money as possible while the opportunity exists. however, here is what is going on at this time:

Daniel - as most of you know, Russia closed to US adoptions and I lost my chance to bring Daniel home. It was a painful time, but I'm resilient and now my focus shifts to supporting him in any other ways I can. To that end, I will be visiting him (and Anya) in late May. I promised them both I would get there no matter what. And I will! I am also actively trying to find a Russian adoptive family for Daniel before he ages out, though it is proving more difficult than I could have imagined. I'm also sending more care packages and letters so that he knows I am still committed to him and love him. I'll keep seeking out ways I can support him and I"ll keep you posted on any updates. Here is a photo Ksusha took for me of him this past week. You would not believe the effort it took to get this photo! I had requested it at Christmas, but she had to find someone who had a camera phone to borrow, and then she had to take a bus for an hour from Novokuznetsk to Prokopyevsk on the weekend to take it. 

He looks so grown up :(

Anya - I have had very little contact with her lately and it worries me to no end. We talked around Christmas, but she has not been online since then - no Russian FB, no email, no skype - nothing. However, my friend Svetlana told me she visited recently, so at least I know she is ok! I continue to send her money as I'm able, and I REALLY look forward to seeing her in May! Here is the most recent photo I could find of her. It is at her friends bridal shower, which I think was last June.

Nastia - she's doing okay, not great. But she's plugging away at school and anxious to graduate, even though its over a year away. She is busy adding pieces to her art portfolio so that she will have plenty to show when it is time to apply to college. Her plans right now are to major in 3D art. She loves clay and ceramics best, but is doing pieces with paper mache and other mediums as well.  She is tired of school and anxious to move on to the next phase of her life! ( Even though her mom is not nearly ready for that!) No photo as Nastia has forbid me!

D - We miss her a great deal, and I am counting the days till she returns for summer hosting. I'm deep in the thick of adoption paperwork, but I have no expectations. I can't. I'm still too scared to hope, but I just keep plugging along and do what I can each day. If its God's will, she will be my daughter one day. in the meantime, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and wait to hear word from Latvia. I do call her weekly and it is so great to hear her cheery voice! Since I'm in process, I don't think I can post any identifying photos, so here is one of my favorites from her last day here - from the back:

Hope this post finds you well!

So Much To Be Thankful For

Left is Nastia's referral photo. Right is D this week. I see a resemblance:)

I know I am way overdue for an update. I just haven't felt like posting with all the ups and downs in Russia this past month. But today I've just been feeling so grateful - despite the bad news. We have been hosting D for two weeks now. Its been a great experience, even with all the infighting between she and Nastia. Its been a great learning experience for all three of us and D is a very special girl. She is smart as a whip, funny, brave, willing to try new things. She is incredibly athletic, loves the outdoors, loves dress-up and dolls and bedtime stories - but loves games and legos and building with blocks just as much. She is an interesting mix of girly-girl and tomboy. She is fiercely independent and strong-willed, but luckily I have experience with that:)

D with Matilda

Everyone who meets her falls in love with her, much to Nastia's dismay, but we are working on this. At church yesterday, Nastia confessed that she spent the whole time asking God to help her with her 'jealousy issues.' And she's trying so hard. More than half the time they are really enjoying each other, but when they do clash - watch out! Neither one will back down and it takes mom intervention to help them both see how to compromise.

My mom is visiting this week too, which is really really wonderful. Its so nice to have family here. She gets a kick out of both girls and has been spending time just hanging out with us, which  is so welcome. We had a huge Christmas Party here last night and it was so packed that we literally had no room to move! It was shoulder to shoulder and lots of fun, but I did wish that I could expand my tiny house for just one night a year! I got to see friends and students from long ago, as well as most of my current ones. Nastia had some friends in attendance and she actually stayed out in the party nearly the entire time - huge change for her! D had a blast and entertained everyone with her antics. A few stayed till after 1am and we had a great, long talk about Christmas, the meaning of it all, how swift time is moving and what we can do to slow it down and savor the moments.

As for the Russian Adoption ban, I can't say much right now because its a little too raw. I cant go there in my head and heart yet. A journalist friend in Russia is doing a piece on me and Daniel for a national magazine. A few others have been in touch about covering our specific story. In the meantime, my chiefest concern is for Daniel's welfare. Suicide is rampant in their part of the world. Just last year Daniel found one of the other orphanage kids dead - he had hanged himself. I am terrified that when he hears of the situation with adoption, he may feel its over for him. I've sent a message to him thru several people I know in Prokopyevsk. They have promised to see him in person soon and let him know I am never ever giving up and that I will be his mom no matter what - even if that means being his mom the way I am Anya's mom. As my brother Dan wrote me " You can still always make a difference in his life."

I'm going to try.

Right now I need to head upstairs as D and Nastia are waiting for me to play a game with them. Then we'll open an early present and go to midnight mass with my mom. There is so much to be grateful for. Just focus on the good and trust in the goodness of others. It's there, even when it looks dark.

Ahh, Finally!

Sorry Folks! I have not been able to sign into my blogger acct for quite awhile! Not sure what was wrong, but I got an error message every time I tried - and I couldn't reach anyone who could help me. So, I waited it out:)

I'll be posting an update tomorrow night concerning the orphanage 'invasion'. Have a great day!

Doing What I Love

'Orphanage Invasion' Update

Ksusha on the left, and the Assistant Director, Katya R, in the center.

This morning I was able to chat online with three of the girls who aged out of the orphanage in June -- for two whole hours! Ksusha Novikova, Nastya Krasilova and Natasha Chernova were all on at the same time via a school computer! I was able to ask them many questions about the current state of things at the orphanage and what they need.

Nastya Krasilova, who is acting as the main 'messenger' to the orphanage for me. She aged out in June and is currently trying to find a place to live. She is attending church weekly and says it helps her
to keep perspective when things are bad.

All three girls said there is a great need for shoes right now. There are not enough shoes to go around once again, and there is simply no money there to buy new pairs. Second to that they said there is a need (as always) for warm socks, hats and gloves. So if you are sending a Christmas package, please include some of these items if you can.

Natasha Chernova on the left, with one of her teachers, at her graduation in June 2012.
She keeps an eye on Daniel for me.

Sadly, they told me that multiple staff members had quit the orphanage recently. They couldn't speak to 'why', and my guess is the girls were scared of speaking about something they shouldn't. But they did say that they were all still in touch with Ekaterina R, the Assistant Director, and that - though she quit this week,too - she promises to pick up all the packages at the post office and deliver them to the children directly, as long as needed. I have known Katya for 8 years. She is a woman of her word who simply adores the children. I know they will receive everything if Katya is in charge. (She is in the top photo.)

They relayed that things are not great at the orphanage, but that they all visit often to check up on the kids and relay messages. These girls are so thoughtful, that they refused to tell me anything they might need or want and instead kept urging me to 'please send shoes' to the kids at their former orphanage. I hope to send these girls all care packages of their own soon. If you'd like to join me, I can share their address with you via email. I just don't want their public address listed here.

All the girls were delighted to hear that many of you will be sending care packages to the kids for Christmas. They know too well how lonely Christmas usually is. The only gifts they will receive are the ones you send. Please remember that photos and cards mean almost more to them than anything else. Consider adding a few family photos and a simple card in Russian to your box. (You can use google translate.)

The address to use when sending your package is listed in my last blog post. Please be SURE to include a copy of the Russian letter I mentioned! I have only received three requests for it via email. I cannot post it here because it contains personal information that shouldn't be shared publicly. but if you email me, I will send it to you!

On a final note: thank you to the 5 people who sent donations for the Thanksgiving Feast to be held at the orphanage next week! $283 has come in!
I sent them $500 this morning, and Katya R is scheduled to pick it up Friday, so the Feast may not happen until Monday. I'll keep you posted about when it occurs.

Thank you to all of you who are taking the time to send a package. I know it was much easier to get people on board with this in past years when I could post photos of the children, but until I go back there again, you'll just have to imagine the joy you're creating:) I can't tell you what a difference it makes in their lives to know someone cares. This morning Natasha ended our conversation with "Thank you for being so faithful in your care of us. It was not expected. We feel very grateful to you."  So -- Know that your care really does make a difference!

Finally Reached The Orphanage!

Persistence pays off! I crafted a desperate letter and sent it to every single young adult I know who has aged out of the orphanage. I contacted them via Russian Facebook, knowing that they are not accessing it very often, but hoping I'd hear from at least one of them. I heard from three today! Nastya Krasilova spoke directly with the assistant Director and relsyed all my information. It turns out they have not receive even one of the emails I sent to the orphanage email address, and they were actually wondering what happened to me, as I always send them funds for 'American Thanksgiving.'

Katya, the Assistance Director, said they are more than grateful to have packages sent over for the Christmas Holidays and she promised she would do her very best to see that the items go to exactly whom you specify. I had related to her that packages would be sent with a letter included detailing what gender and age each box was for, and she said that would be quite helpful. However, if you have been sending packages for the past few years to one particular child, you can still do that. However, you must include a photo of them and their name in a prominent way within the box,so they know. Those of you who have sent packages for years should still have an old photo of your child. Please use that, if possible.

For everyone, here is how to address the box and send it:

HOW TO SEND A BOX TO THE ORPHANAGE

Go to your local post office. You will need to fill out a customs form. You will need to say the contents are worth under $25 even if that's not the case. (Otherwise the orphanage will have to pay on the other end.) You'll have to wrap it REALLY well to prevent theft along the way. (Think duct-tape.) You will need to address it VERY clearly. Write what appears below in BIG BOLD LETTERS. 

HOW TO ADDRESS THE BOX:

EKATERINA VLADIMIROVNA REZENOVA
DETSKY DOM #5
SPARTAKOVSKAYA ULITSE 14A
PROKOPYEVSK
653008 KEMEROVO OBLAST
RUSSIA

Ekaterina ( Katya) is the Assistant to the New Director. I have known katya for 8 years. She is a wonderfully kind person who loves the children. Whatever you send, she will make sure it goes to the children - this I can guarantee! 

Lastly, you will need to include the Russian letter with your package that explains your connection to me. I can send it to you via email.  To receive it, write me at KeriCahill34(at)(gmail)(dot)(com.) The letter includes a list of ages/genders that you can circle so that the orphanage knows who to give your gift to. I broke up the ages as follows: 4-6, 7-9, 10-12,13-16. 

Finally, if you wish to send any donation towards their Thanksgiving Feast, it wil be gratefully received! I am sending the Assistant Director $500 via Western Union in the morning...on faith! I can't quite afford that right now, but I have a feeling that some readers will donate this week to help. That sum is more than enough for them to create a wonderful feast for all 100 children, believe it or not! The 'Thanksgiving Feast' will be held this Friday since I cant get the money to them until tomorrow.

To donate to their 3rd annual  'American Thanksgiving', simply use the paypal button on my blog..but be sure to specify that it is for 'Thanksgiving'! If more than $500 comes in, I will send whats left over next month so that they can have a similar feast for Christmas.

I can't tell you what a treat it is for these kids to have this big meal. I was lucky enough to be there for the 'Feast' two years ago. It was a day of great joy! here's a little video clip of that day: