Culture Shock

It is honestly like being hit by a truck. I'm at JFK. I didn't even think about the cultural impact of coming home. I am sitting here surrounded by so much stuff, so much food, so many shops, so much of everything, and the Christmas music is blaring and people are laughing and eating big piles of food and buying designer LaCoste shirts behind me and...and...and


And half a world away are people I love going without even the basic necessities. I don't like the disparity. Wait, no. I HATE the disparity. Do not, I repeat, do not bother to comment if you are going to tell me things like 'everything is going to be ok' or 'you'll feel better in a few days'. That's just it..I don't WANT To feel better. I want to jump on the next plane back to Russia and be with those kids. I want to care for Anya, as infuriating as she can be....I want to be where I belong.

I am listening to  'O Holy Night' blaring on the terminal speakers and it is sucking the wind out of me. The irony is too much.

My heart hurts. I want to go home....my Siberian home. I want to be holding D, and a hundred other children. I want to be playing outside in the snow with them, or holding them while they cry. I just want to be there. God, please send me back.

Eyes Wide Open

Sometimes life takes you where you never expected to go. Sometimes strange twists and turns and even unexpected obstacles bring you to the most beautiful place you have ever been. Sometimes God holds His gifts behind His back, hidden, until the very last moment when He delights you beyond your wildest imaginings. I know this, because it is my life story.

How can I possibly express the gift that these months have been? I cannot. My heart is so overfull that I am left speechless. I came here with a heavy heart and the expectation that I would simply minister to Anya's heart and come home. Instead, I find that new worlds opened to me and I not only met some of the most wonderful souls I have ever encountered, and fell in love with literally one hundred children, and an enigmatic, frustrating yet beautiful country, but I also met the son I never even dreamed I would have. It is like winning the lottery when you never even bought a ticket!

These past few days I have gotten many emails from people expressing their admiration and awe for what I accomplished here. To be honest, these left me feeling unsettled, because I know a truth it seems these admirers do not know -- we all have the capacity to do what I have done. It doesn't take riches or power or even a plan. All it takes is Love.

True love moves us to act. True love forces us out of our comfort zones, and that is the start of the very best journey of all. When we say 'yes' to God -- I mean really say 'yes', I think the Universe itself claps its' hands in delight. Love is that powerful.

It is so sad to see the world wasting it's time on 'bigger' and 'better' and 'faster' and 'shinier'. It doesn't make me angry anymore, it just makes me sad for the thousands of people who are chasing after emptiness. It is such a waste of energy and time. None of it matters. None of it. You know what matters?
G does...

And this G...

and M...

And millions upon millions of beautiful, very real children just like them. We cannot expect this world of chaos and hate and rage and desperation to ever change until we make these children our priority. And by our, I mean every one of us.

Are you one of the millions of people who mourn the state of things as they are right now? Well, excuse me for saying so, but none of us has a right to complain unless we are truly doing everything we can to change it ourselves -- and I do mean everything. When Gandhi said 'Be the change you wish to see in the world', he was not envisioning a bumper sticker. He was envisioning a spiritual revolution, an evolution of the human soul, an awakening -- but certainly not a bumper sticker.

My time in Siberia has opened my eyes to a great many things -- probably the greatest being my own ignorance and selfishness. I don't want the things I wanted before this journey. Life has become so simple and so clear. I want what God wants. I want to love like He loves. I want to see what He sees. I want the things that matter most to be before my eyes, always.

And the shocking thing is...it's easy! When you cut away everything extraneous, when you focus on Love and nothing else, there is a joy you cannot possibly imagine. Yes, the letting go is hard. Saying yes is scary when you're trying to hold on to so much. But let go, and trust Him, and you cannot IMAGINE the things He has waiting for you.

Your house will be so much sawdust someday. Your clothes, you beloved family heirlooms, your rings, your must-have convection oven, your cherished artwork, your hard-won vacation home or car ---all of it is here, and gone. But Love? Love does not perish. It does not decay. It can't, because it is the only true thing in this world (and out of it.) Love matters.

If we could only wake up. If we could only see what He sees and choose to make Love our priority over all things. Someday I will live in a world like that. It's far off, but it is coming. As Jesus so gently and powerfully told St Julian as she lay dying, ' And all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.'

V and K holding hands in their sleep...

Update Coming!!!

I PROMISE to get an update about the Thanksgiving Feast up here before I go to bed tonight, but right now  (as we got home late last night from the orphanage) I have to clean our entire apartment, pack, say goodbye to all my new Siberian friends, feed my kitties, and prepare for the 34 hour marathon of travel ahead of us.

But I will give you a teaser: the last two days spent at the orphanage with the kids were absolutely two of the BEST DAYS OF MY ENTIRE 45 YEARS! 'SPECTACULAR' doesn't even come close to describing it. 

Thank you everyone! I couldnt have done it without you!!!!

12 years old and still wants to sit on my lap:) I love you Daniel!

Making Russian National News....Again:)

This weekend Channel One Russia will run a feature news story on our time in Siberia. This will actually mark the 6th time we have appeared on the national news here...wish our story garnered as much attention in the US! As much as I loathe being on tv, it serves a great purpose, so I've always said yes, thus far. This time, I am hoping that adoption will be the focus and the need for Russian people to embrace the concept and idea of adoption the way Americans have.  The producer is of the same mind, I'm so lucky. Also, I don't mind being on tv over here, because Russian media people are incredibly kind and true to their word. If you tell them 'do not say this on camera' or 'please, could you mention the following?' -- they do! At least that has been my experience every time.

Today was the first day of filming, and it took place at the school. They filmed us rehearsing, an encore performance of the scenes, interviewed most of the students, the school staff, and me. It was a great day, and so wonderful to see the kids so excited to be on television. After the crew left, I stayed and was the guest of honor at a Thanksgiving Day Debate where the senior class students debated the pros and cons of celebrating the day. They knew their stuff!  They discussed the treatment of Native Americans by early Europeans, the value of the holiday in general, and many other finer points -- all in English! I was very impressed. Then I was asked to speak about the meaning of Thanksgiving for Americans. Can't tell you how meaningful this was for me, as Thanksgiving is also my Dad's birthday, and it was his favorite holiday, and he even wrote a book focusing on the first Thanksgiving!

The hardest part of the day was watching some of the students cry about my upcoming departure. It was very hard to keep it together, but I had promised myself I would not cry until I said goodbye to them for good - at the orphanage.

Did I mention 5 of them are coming with us to the orphanage? I'm so excited! And Channel One will be there filming all day. This afternoon they spent the day at the Ministry of Education discussing the hosting program we are starting in Prokopyevsk with Project 143. I believe all this attention will only help our endeavor.

Well, I need to go pack. We are bringing quite an array of things tomorrow, some of which I need to wrap very carefully tonight! Here's a partial list of what we are bringing on this final visit, thanks to the incredible generosity of many friends and blog readers:

• Toilet paper for every single child. (The orphanage budget does not allow for TP, so we bought tons of it as a surprise!)
• A Christmas tree
• Lots of Christmas decorations
• 400 photos to give out to all the kids and staff ( photos I have taken over the past several months)
•  MANY Duplo blocks for the younger group
• 5 more dolls
• a computer camera ( for Skype)
• 2 dvd players
• a television for a group that does not have one.
• several photo albums
• 20 more inspiring movies (including Elf!)
• a few last books to add to the 150  already bought for them.
• Enough art supplies for every child
• Some American treats to share after our big Feast -- m&ms, skittles, American cookies
• TURKEY!!!!

My deepest and most humble thanks to every single one of you here, and on facebook, who contributed. For anyone who thinks a $5 donation does not make a difference...I beg to differ. With over 100 people contributing only $5, it was enough to cover the purchase of a tv and dvd player!

I promise to take hundreds of photos tomorrow and Saturday. Please keep us in your prayers, as these kids get to have the first Thanksgiving Feast of their lives, and are given a chance to meditate on the good things in their lives.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

You.....Yes YOU....Thank You

I have been so grateful for all the comments over the past few months. I cannot tell you how much they meant to me. This blog has truly been a lifeline for me while here...and I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to comment, ask questions, tell me you're praying, share links, tell funny stories, cheer me up when needed.  It is not always possibly to answer eevry comment, but I wanted to take a moment to tell you that I read every single one with great focus and, usually, joy.

That said, I wanted to remind anyone who is waiting for a reply from me, to be unafraid to send a gentle reminder. Having ADD is a blesssing and a curse --and the curse is the inability to keep track of so many loose ends! When you write and ask me a question, I may have every intention of answering it right away, but I often get distracted by another important item on my agenda...and then the original item is lost forever. I truly don't mean to, and I honestly really do appreciate the gentle reminders.

I know many of you have written and asked for answers to various questions : Is that girl available for adoption? Can you send me the name of a child to send a care package to? Keri, what is your address? Keri, I have a great idea for _______, what do you think?  If I did not answer, it's not because I didn't want to or plan to, it's because my brain doesnt work like a normal brain! That used to be embarrassing to admit, but now I just realize it is part of who I am, and I just need to accept it and humbly ask for help.

So, feel free to comment below with your unanswered questions. If ALL the remaining questions are in one place, it will be easier for me to keep track of! The other thing you can  do is write me an email. (But don't do both -- that'll just confuse the heck out of me!)

My email is: KeriCahill34(at)gmail(dot)com. I'll remove this after a few days so I don't get a lifetime of spam. But for now, feel free to use it.

Off to buy final items for the Thanksgiving Feast!

Found ONE Reason To Be Happy About Going Home...

The trolley I take to work everyday.

....NEGATIVE 20 degrees celsius is physically painful. If it gets any colder than this I think I might just die.

Walking home from work was like being tortured. My eyes kept watering from the pain, which made them freeze shut, with the eyelashes acting like velcro. I completely blocked out forgot how cold it can get here.

Last January it got down to negative 24 celsius in Moscow and I now remember that day -- my whole body felt like it was in a vice.

How do people live like this for months on end?

 How???

Apt sculpture they just added to our street.

Yes, It's True - A Forever Family For D!

I was hoping to forego this post for awhile. I don't want to jinx what is in the works for D. But you amazing readers (and friends) are relentless in your pursuit of knowledge...lol....and if I have to answer one more private email, skype or chat message about D, I think my typing fingers might fall off.
Yes, as many of you read on my facebook page -- D is being adopted! The little girl who stole my heart and for whom I have prayed every single night and morning since March, will have a family ...a forever family!

And before you go feeling sorry for me -- don't. More than anything else in the world, I wanted D to have a family, and she does. Of course, of course I had hoped it would be me, but God has far better perspective than I, and He has blessed her with a mom and a Dad!

Obviously I won't be posting about the family. LeAnn of New Horizons very lovingly kept me in the loop, as I was worried that D would end up with a family that was not prepared for her particular needs. LeAnn assures me that this family is aware of D's issues and is still committed to her no matter what. I am so grateful to have been part of her journey I cannot express, and I celebrate her amazing news with prayers of gratitude to God.

Love never dies. D and Nastia and I will always have a bond, because of our love for one another. Her new family will have our prayers for decades to come. And though we may not be hosting her  next month or seeing her in the  future, God has given me a great peace that I will see D again some day -- if not in this life, then the next.

Thank you to all of you kind and loving friends who took the time to write and ask about her. I hope you will join with me in praying for her new family  -- and that her transition to them will be smooth and that she will delight them as much as she delighted us (I have no doubt....) I thank God for answering my prayers, and for making this one amazing, precious, big-hearted, funny, and infinitely wonderful little girl's dream come true. Amen!