Black Cloud

It's been awhile....sorry. But as no one but I really reads this blog, it doesn't really matter.

I'm struggling with depression again. It sucks. I hate it.

I thought I would outgrow it by 40, but no luck. It is like this black mass that comes out of nowhere and disrupts my life. Life is even quite good right now. I have nothing to complain about. Raising a child with RAD takes its toll, yes, but this is not about that. It's deeper. This sadness comes and sits on my heart and I can't breathe. All day I tried to battle it. When I woke feeling lost, I went back to sleep. I slept till noon. Then I tried praying, meditating, but the words in my heart were all dismal and darkening and I could not seem to escape it. I tried going online, reading blogs that make me happy, but it only served to highlight the chasm I feel between my life and the peaceful life that others live. So, I finally did what always helps....I got comfort food and over-ate.

Where is my help? Where is God? I feel locked inside myself. I need air.