This has been an incredible week of loss. Aside from my own losses connected to D's adoption, I heard the sickening news of my friend Annie's loss of her dear son, Ilya, to suicide. I haven't been able to wrap my head around it yet, but have thrown myself wholeheartedly into holding Annie up in prayer and praying deeply and fervently for Ilya's peace. My heart is broken for Annie, who is one of the world's most tender-hearted, kind, and selfless beings you'd ever wish to meet. I cannot imagine her pain, and I grieve with her and pray that God will make Himself known to her in these dark days.
I also have not been able to escape the news of the Krim family in NYC. Upon hearing the graphic details on TV two nights ago, I was so overcome I threw up. The description of Marina Krim grieving in the lobby of her building while clasping her remaining little one literally knocked the wind out of me. Before I knew what was happening, I had to race to the bathroom to throw up. Shock, I guess. Deep, deep heartache. Mothers across the world are united by the bonds we have with our children. When one grieves, we all grieve on some undefinable level.
And here's where I move the focus elsewhere. While we don't have power over many of these horrible things, we do have the gift of free will to act afterwards. Our friends don't have to grieve alone. We can 'DO'. Love 'does'. Love acts! We can share the burden our friends are suffering, we can hold them up, we can nurture their ruptured hearts, we can provide food or donate funds to funeral costs, we can clean up messy houses, we can send a heartfelt letter, we can hug them, we can talk, we can listen.
Thanks to my beloved friend Tesney, I am reading a wonderful book right now that is a balm in this difficult time. It is LOVE DOES by Bob Goff. It was the perfect reminder at the perfect time, that Love ACTS, Love MOVES, Love DOES. And sometimes the things Love does look crazy, or ill-timed, or outrageous. But Love is outrageous. Love often calls us to do the unthinkable, the unimaginable, even the impossible. Those of us who say yes are usually rewarded with quite the adventure! It's not easy, but it is what is called for if we want what is highest and best for this world.
The road to adopt Anya and Daniel has been nothing short of devastating, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have tried or shouldn't keep trying. The most important journeys of our lives are often the most difficult. If we walk away in defeat to early, we could lose out on the greatest triumph of our lives. We need to live each day DOING what Love calls us to DO, even if it's hard - even if it involves days and even months or even YEARS of grieving. Even if everyone else around you says it's IMPOSSIBLE.
I wish more than anything I could take away Annie's pain, but I can't. I wish more than I can express that I could place those beautiful Krim children back in their mother's arms, alive, but I'm powerless to do so. I wish I could take Anya and Daniel out of the empty, indifferent worlds they were born into, and place them in my own arms here in the home that waits for them, but I have tried and failed a hundred times.
But I do have the power to choose. I can keep moving forward. I can keep choosing Love. I can keep trying. One tiny step at a time. And that's what I choose to do. 'LOVE DOES'. I know now that these are the words written on my heart. LOVE DOES. And I want to be a conduit for that energy. LOVE DOES. I want to be Love's hands and feet, even when it hurts. LOVE DOES. I want to do the hard things, the impossible things, because that is the very thing we were created to do while we are alive on this planet.
Love does. And so do I.